My dad has told me a few times that he has a feeling I'll die young... just because I've always been "sickly." (By that he means due to my allergies and asthma and my tendency to catch every cold, cough and flu that comes around!) Sometimes I feel like he's right. Sometimes I feel certain that I am going to die soon, because its the only way I can go. I've been in school forever and it seems unlikely that I'll ever finish, that I'll ever move forward in any way. I feel like I was always meant to be a sad memory, someone everyone will enjoy remembering and missing, more than I am meant to stay alive.
I don't want to die. I want to stay alive for the kids, and for the kids of my own I would someday have. But it just doesn't seem likely. Life is so fragile, isn't it?


brandonsmom_02 said...

Everyone questions their fate - especially when times are bad or you are overwhelmed.

*I* personally believe that you are meant to be my best friend until we are both 90 and sitting in our wheelchairs at the nursing home together bitching about the food and trying to read our books with our 5 inch thick glasses and reminicing about all the CRAP we dealt with in life.

You just need to take care of yourself better so that you are happier and healthier between now and then.

-And I'm checking your arms tomorrow!!

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