2008-12-11

And In Other News...

Nobody seemed to understand why I had such mixed feelings about my brother coming into town. Half of me misses him all the time and is homesick for the months I used to spend with him in California... but the other half of me knows that being around him is more harmful than good. At first he was always just another person I wanted desperately to care about me and to like me... and then eventually I gave up on that, and now I just eye him warily and keep my distance.
He's staying at my mom's house now and seems always to be critiquing me... from what I eat (too much high fructose corn syrup, too much junk) to what I say (I should stop talking, stop asking so many dumb questions, stop talking to the dog because its irritating him...) to when I cough (Oh god, go wash your hands, don't cough on the dog, if I give him bronchitis he's going to be so pissed) to just about everything! Seriously! Plus every discussion has to be about conspiracy theories, about everything from the government to the idea that my parents were morally wrong for making us visit my grandmother in the nursing home when we were children because we shouldn't have had to see a nursing home just because our grandpa, who divorced our grandmother, wasn't taking care of business. (Which doesn't even make sense, in my mind! My grandmother, though schizophrenic, lived independently in her own apartment until I was 12. After that, she broke her hip and entered a nursing home, and my parents did ask us to go visit her one or two weekends a month, which I totally think was appropriate! Plus, her being in there had nothing to do with my Grandpa. He divorced her when my dad was eighteen, but financially supported her until his accidental death, which happened when I was 10 years old... before my grandmother broke her hip and entered the nursing home! So...)
And then, to come home from school last night and find him and my mom drinking wine together at the kitchen table and having a long discussion. And then after he leaves, my mom comes down shaking her head and saying, "Wow, that boy! He's just so knowledgable!"
You'd be alarmed at what passes for knowledge around here!

1 comments:

brandonsmom_02 said...

I'm sorry that it always goes so completely wrong every time he comes into town lately.

Try not to be so sensitive to everything he says and does...try just accepting that he is who he is and you are going to have to love him just that way. I know you had great times in the past, but perhaps they are better as happy memories than as an unatainable goal. You know?

And go easy on your mom - don't forget that is her son, her baby, and it is every mom's instinct to love and adore their son and grasp at any possible ounce of love and pride they can find. She's just being his mom.

We love you and we missed you!

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