Wii Love It

I have a new addiction... Wii bowling! the kids got a Wii for Christmas, but since Jimmy and Brandon have been gone, me and Diana have been using it more than anything! We love to play the Wii Sports game. And the bowling part is my area of expertise! I actually became a "pro" at it and got a virtual medal. I got ten strikes in a row today!
The game also has tennis, baseball, golf, and boxing on it. I avoid boxing and golf if at all possible. But I am getting a little better at baseball and tennis!
What did I do before Wii came along?


Everything I Need!

I saw this meme where you enter your name, plus the word "needs", into a search engine, and type up the phrases you find. For instance, I put in, "Nicki needs," and came up with...

Nicki needs something to get her in the mood.
Nicki needs someone to talk to.
Nicki needs help!
Nicki needs a man who keeps her on a leash.
Nicki needs everyone's numbers.
Nicki needs a life.
Nicki needs to relax about sex already.
Nicki needs to help out more around the house.
Nicki needs to show at O item A2 on her tax return.
Nicki needs your help.
Nicki needs us.
Nicki needs to find her forever home.
Nicki needs socialization.
Nicki needs an operation now.
Nicki needs me.
Nicki needs inspiration.
Nicki needs to expose herself to more extreme situations.
Nicki needs urgent medical treatment.
Nicki needs to bring forward a motion.
Nicki needs to open her eyes.
Nicki needs her sugar.
Nicki needs underwear.
Nicki needs a parent.
Nicki needs to keep her mouth shut.

Wow, I have a lot of needs, right?



Yay, I finally finished my semester! I just got back from my History test. I cannot believe that I pulled everything off, basically at the last minute! I managed to do a whole chapter of math homework, study for a math test, take a math test, write two major term papers (each about 12 pages long), finish a semester-long Health project, and bullshit my way through an essay test. Does that make me cool?
Now, within the next few days, I just need to clean up my room in time for the guests to come to my mom's house on Christmas, finish all my last-minute Christmas shopping and wrapping, buy and deliver gifts for my angel-tree kids, write a letter to my school asking them to waive the block on my account so I can get my grades and register for next semester, try to register for next semester, and build a gingerbread house with the kids. ;)
In other news, here is something I learned today! If you've been feeling sick lately, do not... I repeat, do not... look up the following symptoms on Google: headaches + earaches + nausea. Because if you do, you will discover that you are most likely dying of Nasopharyngeal Carcinoma.
Now I brought you down, let me bring you back up... take a look at my little snow dog!


Christmas Meme

Hooty-hoo, I stole a meme from Everyday Adventures! YOu know I love a good meme!

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?

Ooooh I love them both! But to me, Egg Nog is a special Christmas drink, so I love to drink a lot of it while I can... whereas hot chocolate is readily available all year around, even in the summer if I want it!

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?

He wraps them, except for a few special big ones he leaves unwrapped!

3. Colored lights on house/tree or white?

Colored, FOR SURE! I love as bright of colors as possible!

4. Do you hang mistletoe?

Not really... My mom does.

5. When do you put your decorations up?

Right around the beginning of December.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
Uh, I don't think we have any specific holiday dishes in my family! My mom's family is Italian, so Italian food is pretty much the catch-all meal for all family gatherings! Although sometimes we get it catered from Brown's Chicken!

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child?

When I was 5 or 6 there was nothing I wanted mroe than a Cabbage Patch doll for Christmas. I asked Santa Claus for it so many times! Well, Christmas morning came, and there was no Cabbage PAtch doll under rhe tree. My parents kept asking me if I had gotten everything I wanted, and I said Yes, because I was trying to be sweet and polite. Anyway, we always went to my Nona and Bopop's house for Christmas morning, and Santa always left presents there, as well, for my brother and me! And guess what? Santa had left TWO Cabbage PAtch Dolls at Nona's house... a girl one for me and a boy one for my younger brother! I was in Heaven! As I got older I realized that Santa seemed to leave the most extra-special presents at Nona's house instead of at my house. It took me longer to realize, though, that Santa was really Nona and Bopop, and that they always bought the best things for us when my parents couldn't really afford much!

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I really, really, really, wanted to believe in Santa, so I forced myself to believe until I was about 11. I think when my younger brother outgrew Santa, I was pretty much trapped into giving Santa up too!

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
When I was little my brother and I were always allowed to open our gifts to each other on Christmas Eve, and sometimes one gift each from our parents. Now, usually, we open them all on Christmas morning.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
I love as gaudy a tree as possible, with lots of homemade ornaments from kids, and ornaments collected over the years.

11. Snow. Love it or dread it?
Its perfect when its snowing but it isn't TOO COLD OUT!

12. Can you ice skate?
Kinda. But my ankles are so weak, they snap!

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
When I was little the Cabbage Patch Doll... and once a dollhouse... and once a pogo stick... and once a teddy bear that talked... and more recently, a digital camera!

14. What is the most important thing about the holidays for you?
Being with my loved ones, and carrying on traditions, and making it magical for the little kids!

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert?
Fudge! And marangue cookies.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
When I was little, my favorite tradition was when my dad would read us THe Night Before Christmas on Christmas Eve. Now I enjoy making reindeer food with my nieces and nephew, writing a letter to Santa Claus with them... and then eating the cookies after the kids go to bed!

17. What tops your Christmas tree?
At Diana's house, a star. At my mom's house, an angel. I prefer angels... for obvious reasons!

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving?
Giving! I think I get mostly excited about Christmas because I get to give people things. Its a fun time of year for me to show everyone how much they mean to me, by trying to pick out things I think they'll love!

19. What is your favorite Christmas song?
Silent Night.

20. Candy Canes. Yum or Yuck?
Yum! But I don't like the fruit-flavored ones.

21. What do you want for Christmas?
I do not know! I really don't! I have just about everything I need... except for a place to live. I'm so totally homeless.

22. Do you attend an annual Christmas party?

23. Do you dress up for Christmas Eve or wear PJ’s?
Neither. I wear, like, normal clothes, usually. Jeans. Maybe a nicer shirt than usual.

24. Do you own a Santa hat?

25. Who do you normally spend Christmas with?
These days I seem to just roam around! Usually I spend Christmas Eve with Diana's family, stay the night so I can spend Christmas morning with them and see my nephew and nieces open presents, then go to my mom's house, then go with my parents to my mom's family's Christmas celebration, wherever it is. This year its actually at my mom's house. Jimmy's family also invited me to THEIR Christmas, and I'm hoping I can make it there too... because they even included me in their grab bag! Can you believe it? I made it into a GRAB BAG! I am STILL not allowed in the grab bag with my mom's family... my mom won't allow it. Wah.


And In Other News...

Nobody seemed to understand why I had such mixed feelings about my brother coming into town. Half of me misses him all the time and is homesick for the months I used to spend with him in California... but the other half of me knows that being around him is more harmful than good. At first he was always just another person I wanted desperately to care about me and to like me... and then eventually I gave up on that, and now I just eye him warily and keep my distance.
He's staying at my mom's house now and seems always to be critiquing me... from what I eat (too much high fructose corn syrup, too much junk) to what I say (I should stop talking, stop asking so many dumb questions, stop talking to the dog because its irritating him...) to when I cough (Oh god, go wash your hands, don't cough on the dog, if I give him bronchitis he's going to be so pissed) to just about everything! Seriously! Plus every discussion has to be about conspiracy theories, about everything from the government to the idea that my parents were morally wrong for making us visit my grandmother in the nursing home when we were children because we shouldn't have had to see a nursing home just because our grandpa, who divorced our grandmother, wasn't taking care of business. (Which doesn't even make sense, in my mind! My grandmother, though schizophrenic, lived independently in her own apartment until I was 12. After that, she broke her hip and entered a nursing home, and my parents did ask us to go visit her one or two weekends a month, which I totally think was appropriate! Plus, her being in there had nothing to do with my Grandpa. He divorced her when my dad was eighteen, but financially supported her until his accidental death, which happened when I was 10 years old... before my grandmother broke her hip and entered the nursing home! So...)
And then, to come home from school last night and find him and my mom drinking wine together at the kitchen table and having a long discussion. And then after he leaves, my mom comes down shaking her head and saying, "Wow, that boy! He's just so knowledgable!"
You'd be alarmed at what passes for knowledge around here!



Hi everyone! Hows it going? I had a fun day. I made Gak with the kids! If you want to read about our Gakky adventures, visit my other blog, Slow Down, Gym Shoe!
Anyway. Last time I wrote, I was feeling sort of morose. But I am actually feeling better today, a little. You see, the other day in class, my teacher for some reason mentioned a former student she had, a guy with a really severe learning disability, who took about fifteen years to finish his degree program, and then could only teach early childhood classes because he just couldn't academically handle anything beyond that. But he turned out to be an awesome preschool teacher, of course!
The story made me feel better because it made me realize that I'm not in a race here. I do have special needs, and it has always, always, always taken me longer to do things and learn things than it takes the average person. And I always do things in my own way, too. For instance, my parents started teaching me to ride a two-wheeler when I was four or five, but I just couldn't do it the usual way... with my parents running alongside me and then letting go of the back of my bike. It terrified me and I wasn't that great at balancing. They eventually took off my training wheels anyway, and I sort of boycotted my bike for a while.
Eventually, though, I taught myself how to ride a different way. I would sit on my bike, with my feet touching the sidewalk, and I would sort of run along until my wheels were going pretty fast. Then I'd put my feet on the pedals, and off I'd go! For some reason, that way worked for me. And within a few weeks I was able to ride my bike like any other kid, without even using my "running start" method. Pretty much everything in my life has been this way.
So I've been thinking... Maybe I just need to slow down a little! When I was taking part time classes, I always, always, always got A's... because I was able to really focus on the one or two classes I had. I was working six hours a day as a special ed teacher's aide, then going to school at night once or twice a week, and it worked really well for me.
So maybe what I need to do next semester is, just take two classes. Definitely not so many night classes. Its been too hard for me to leave after watching the kids, and then go to school. Plus it was always too tempting to ditch school, when Diana and Jimmy came home and I could hang out with them instead! I just need more balance.
It is my mom who is constantly pressuring me to do more, do more, do more. But I have to ignore her because I know myself better than she does. I know what I can handle. It may take me an extra year or two to get my teaching degree, but so what, right? I really think it is better to slow down, and focus, and get A's in my classes, than to take on a full load, have trouble focusing, be stressed out and tired and sick all the time, and barely pass my classes with C's.
What do you think?



My dad has told me a few times that he has a feeling I'll die young... just because I've always been "sickly." (By that he means due to my allergies and asthma and my tendency to catch every cold, cough and flu that comes around!) Sometimes I feel like he's right. Sometimes I feel certain that I am going to die soon, because its the only way I can go. I've been in school forever and it seems unlikely that I'll ever finish, that I'll ever move forward in any way. I feel like I was always meant to be a sad memory, someone everyone will enjoy remembering and missing, more than I am meant to stay alive.
I don't want to die. I want to stay alive for the kids, and for the kids of my own I would someday have. But it just doesn't seem likely. Life is so fragile, isn't it?


Flunking Life!

I swear to God, I am flunking out of life lately!
Lets count how many stupid things have happened to me lately.
I acquired a large overdraft fee on my bank account, waited too long to pay it, and by the time I went to make a deposit that would put my bank account back into positive numbers, they had closed the account! And now they won't let me reopen a new one because I'm such a failure at banking!
I owe my school $2,000 and if I don't pay it, I won't be able to enroll for next semester.
I am getting bad grades in most of my classes, simply because I forget about my assignments... shit I used to do back in highschool!
Then, today, I had a take-home test I was supposed to turn in, but I grabbed the wrong notebook this morning, so I didn't bring the take-home test with me to school, and therefore didn't turn it in! (Luckily we had a sub, unexpectedly... who ever heard of having a sub in college???... so I couldn't have turned it in anyway, and I get an extra week!)
Plus, last night Diana messaged me to ask me if I could be at her house by 7:45 so she could take Brandon to school, since Jimmy was working. Or had left, or whatever. SO I set my alarm extra early to make sure I would be up and ready. I checked it to make sure it was set. And then... I overslept TWO HOURS because somehow my alarm didn't go off! Or, most likely, I must have turned it off in my sleep, dreaming I was getting up. I do that shit sometimes. So I ended up waking up ten minutes past the time that I was supposed to be at Diana's! Ugh... embarrassing!
And then there are the two times I either left my headlights on or left my car door slightly open in the past week, both times resulting in my battery dying in the parking lot. The first time, Diana ended up having to come rescue me. The second time, I was at school, and got a security guard to give me a jump. But, Jesus H!
If you don't believe I have ADHD, then you must just believe I'm a dumbass, or someone who doesn't give a shit about anything. But those things aren't true. I definitely do give a shit... I just can't hold it together lately!
I need to get back on Adderall. Gotta give that shit another try.

on a more lighthearted note...
I always see those posts where people list the key words that others used to arrive at their blog. So I thought I'd share some of mine. Apparently, my blog is chock full of useful information!
People have come here by searching for...

"puking on formula"

"googleplex the highest number in the world" (and I am the NUMBER ONE on Google for that topic!)

"all day her dreams blog" (Yeah, thats me!)

"is googleplex the highest number" (Another one?)

"Naughty Abby" (Why do I get so many people searching for that?)

"do i need to visit my doctor every three months in order to have my adderall prescription renewed?" (Yes, you do!)

"naughty abby" (Who is this famous Naughty Abby everyone is looking for?)

"Going through my parent's divorce was one of the hardest part of my life. I will never forget that day. I was walking towards my front door when my dad walked out. He was leaving my little brother and mom for the rest of o" (Sorry to hear that!)

"thanks god its blackfriday"

"i suddenly puke" (Me too, sometimes!)

"is the leader coz i got all the sandwiches in my backpack video" (Okaaaaay...)

"Splenda + sugar"

"Snapfish and Oprah"

"stuffed animal speaker from khols"

Well, good to know this blog is making a difference in the lives of many people!