I'm Trying!

Trying really hard not to be lonely! Diana and Jimmy went to drop Brandon off at his friends' hosue at 7:30, and they ended up going out and not coming home. :( I fall for it every time! ;) So I'm here blogging and trying not to be lonely or feel hurt. But its kinda a bummer because tomorrow I'm supposed to get Melissa and Maggie. Not that I don't want to get them! I do want to see them, and especially tomorrow because its Melissa's birthday! But I'm sort of exhausted. I spent the entire day Thursday doing homework, then today watched the kids from 8 am on. I spend half my time alone doing homework, the other half with kids, and zero with grown ups. I actually try to get here early in the mornings because I crave the chance to hang out with Diana for that twenty or so minutes before she goes to work, even though its usually hectic cause she's trying to get ready and everything. And I'm totally sad that now I go to school right after they come home, because I really miss the time when we'd all be together. Its the best part of the day. Now I rarely am here for it. I was looking forward to Friday cause, yay, I actually get to hang out... but they stayed for half an hour, then took off. :( Its cool and everything, but I just don't feel like going to bed, waking up and spending another day alone with a group of kids. Ya know?
In other news, we have to do this Health Improvement project for my Health Project and pick one goal we want to work on all semester. I'm picking stopping cutting, and finding better ways of dealing with things. And so far, I'm doing pretty good on that goal, because I have an appointment with a counselor on Tuesday, ANd i'm gonna start going to church. UCC church. On Sunday. I hope.


Anonymous said...

I love you.

That was actually one of your better ways of communicating.

There is just too many balls to juggle. I will do my best to remember that you want "adult time", but I also need time away, and time with Jimmy, and time with the kids, etc.

I know it sucks when you are left here. No matter what I do someone is always feeling left out, or let down, or neglected.

I'm sorry.


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