2008-09-02

Here I am again!

A little while ago I was getting more and more panicky about starting school tomorrow and not being able to spend as much time at Diana's. I was even in tears thinking about it! I don't know why it makes me so sad, but I think part of it is because this time of year, the feeling of starting a new school, the feeling of everything sort of shifting around me, etc, is similar to the circumstances when I had a huge nervous breakdown type thing two years ago when I tried to go to college at Southern Ilinois. I had my own apartment there and everything, it was beautiful, there were deer in my front yard everyday... and I lasted three days, because I just couldn't stop having panic and depression problems. Even now, when I think about it, part of me feels sad that I messed up and couldn't stay in that beautiful place with the deer, but part of me starts feeling panicky again just at the thought of being so far away and being all alone.
I guess its just the feeling of everything I love being gone, which has happened a lot in my life... you are relatively happy in life, you are with people you care about, and then it all melts away and you're left alone.
So I was feeling really sad and nervous, and then Diana called me and coincedentally cheered me up! She said BRandon had to do some sort of getting to know each other project at school, and for people in his family he mentioned me right there with his parents and sisters and everyone else! And Diana also said that Jimmy's mom called and mentioned that on Labor Day, when Jimmy totally hauled ass to go see his parents and didn't want the rest of us to come, that she missed everyone, and she even said me specifically! SO now I feel much better and more secure. I mean I feel much better! Everything is going to be okay. Right?
Now I'm getting ready to go up in my room for the night. My mom just got home from work now and ugh its not going well. She just keeps interrogating me. She keeps asking me things like, "Did you get your school books yet? WHy not?" Because I had mentioned before that I don't think my financial aid is going to cover everything this year. And I think she was trying to get me to ask her to borrow some money, so then she can say, "Oh, what, Diana and Jimmy aren't paying you, are they?" Which they are but I just suck at saving money. I told her I just didn't get them yet because I didn't go to class yet and I want to make sure of what books are being used. But actually, I had a plan. I went on the school's website and found out all of the books I need. Only my math book is a lot, its $172 or something alarming like that, but I found out I can check it out from the Schaumburg Library. I can actually check out the other books from there too! So its all good. And I can recheck them out as much as I can, or I can just wait until I can spare the $172. Perfect, right?
OK I'm gonna get going. But. By the way. If you want to help me balance out the $1,000 that apparently financial aid won't cover at this school (I guess because its not a state school) you can click on these articles. I get paid for writing them, about $4-5 per article, but I also get paid everytime someone reads them and rates them. So, if you see any that interest you, check them out! I will be adding more every day!

Girls with ADHD: A Different Kind of Deficit
Statistics show that boys are 3 to 9 times more likely than girls to have ADHD. Yet, in adults, ADHD occurs equally among men and women. Why aren't girls being diagnosed, and who is paying the price?
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Angelo Secchi - the Scientist that History Forgot
Many people assume that religion and science contradict each other. But some of science's biggest discoveries were made by a Jesuit priest!
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Reading to Infants and Toddlers - What and How to Read to Your Baby
Reading to an infant or toddler is much different from reading to a preschooler. But if you choose the right books, you'll be on the right path to raising a bookworm!
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The Twelve Days of Summer by Jan Andrews
Don't just read this book to your child! Enjoy it together, and then use the story to do interesting projects together,
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The Twelve Days of Summer by Jan Andrews
Don't just read this book to your child! Enjoy it together, and then use the story to do interesting projects together,
View more »
Creating a Sensory Box for Your Child
Some kids just love to get messy! A sensory box will allow them to get elbow-deep in messy fun!
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Activity Themes for Family Fun
Use themes to come up with activity ideas for your whole family to enjoy!
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Activity Themes for Family Fun
Use themes to come up with activity ideas for your whole family to enjoy!
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1 comments:

Pasifik said...

i think your life isn't easy. but i believe you can handle it, right?

keep posting,

BEST WOMAN CARE

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