2008-09-11

Diana Saves My Life

Well she didn't really aave my life, but she usually manages to save my mind. My mind tends to spiral. Here are some instances.
For one thing, I had an Ipass notice, and when I looked it up on the computer it said I owed about a thousand dollars or something like that. Not owning one thousand dollars, I figured I'd pay it off little by little throughout the course of my life. But I never really have any money to spare, aside from the $300 I once sent them when I got my stimulate check from the government. So the fines tended to grow and grow. So Diana said she'd call them for me and try to straighten it out. She's much better at talking to people than I am. Diana called them and said she was my sister and that I have Ass-Burger syndrome (my original disorder before ADHD) and have trouble talking on the phone and keeping papers straight and things like that. So it turned out, I may not owe anything at all, because my big mistake was putting the wrong license plate number when I filled out the form for the Ipass! In fact, somehow I might be getting money back! Diana managed to straighten all that out for me. I guess I could have asked my mom to help me with it, but when Diana helps me I manage to still have my dignity, and instead of feeling like a huge failure for not being able to handle something, I just feel like a person who needs a little help with some things.
Another thing is, Diana can always talk me down from my spirals. She helps me see things better. For instance, when I am upset because my mom is always interrogating me about things (such as the Ipass thing, for instance, and my room being messy, and things like that) because of my disability and my history of my mom threatening to have me locked up or threatening to get custody of me and be in charge of me forever and things like that, when my mom interrogates me or yells at me or even gives me advice, I feel very threatened and nervous. But Diana talks to me and reminds me that everyone's mom does that, even her own mom. She says her mom always interrogates her on things like how she is taking care of the kids, and whatnot. Most people just sigh and put up with it because its their mother, but because of my past history I tend to think its a huge, threatening thing. Diana reminds me that I'm just a person like everyone else, I'm not even really dependent on my parents that much anymore, and I should just sigh and deal with my mom like everyone else does. Hearing Diana put it into normal perspective for me makes me feel much better about things.
So today I am having a pretty good day, even though my mom is at home, because she gets to take days off whenever she feels like it. I am going to clean my room today and throw a lot of things away. I'm going to get a lot of things done today in the six hours I have between right now and my night class. I am going to remember that I'm a grown-up, and even though I have a disability and need help with some things, I am really competent at other things, and I can get by on my own, and my mom is just a human being and not some all-powerful person who can have me locked up somehow.

I haven't been blogging as much in here lately because, between school and the kids, I've been pretty busy! I might get even busier, too! These two school-age kids are going to start coming over to be babysat by me after school. Plus some lady emailed me to see if her young kids could start coming in mid-October. By now, I'm starting to wish I could just take the little kids and not the school-agers, because the school-agers are presenting all sorts of problems. Not their behavior, but mostly their mom. They aren't allowed to eat anything with dyes, which is OK, but they also are not allowed to watch cable TV or play video games other than E-rated ones, or play video games at all for longer than 20 minutes. The reason that makes things difficult is that the kids in my house are allowed to do those things, so it will be hard to tell two kids that they aren't allowed to do what everyone else is doing. I'm going to try to keep them all busy with homework, plus plan afterschool activities and things, and hopefully give them all options other than video games and cable TV. We'll see if it works out.
Plus I have to go pick up the schoolagers every day. I have to get the boy from the bus at his house, and the girl from her school. This isn't a big problem, BUT, if the two littler kids start coming, the problem will be that I won't be able to fit everyone else in my car! As it is, I won't be able to fit Brandon! It will be like playing Tetris!
I figure, if the two little kids do come, I can have Brandon watch Abby for half an hour or so each day while I go pick up the school agers. I can wedge Hayden, the two school agers, and the two new little kids, into my car for that short ride. But if we ever wanted to go anywhere else, for any reason, we'd be screwed!
Oh well, it will all work itself out in the long run. I won't worry about it yet. Right?

1 comments:

brandonsmom_02 said...

beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!

Post a Comment

Got anything to add?