So I finally did manage to get my medication. Yesterday after Abby went to school, I packed up Hayden and went to Walgreens, thinking we'd go to the park afterwards. But we never made it to the park, because we spent about an hour and a half at Walgreens, waiting for the pharmacists and doctors to communicate with each other! I guess originally the prescription request got faxed to the first office but the doctor works at the second office now, and the medical group's computer is not working right so somehow the fax didn't get forwarded to where it needed to be and just got ignored at the first office; then the pharmacist called the doctor but the doctor wouldn't call back; then the pharmacist got ahold of the doctor but told me that the doctor declined the refill.
Pharmacist: "Yes the doctor actually declined your refill. And you know, with this type of medication, you're not supposed to go on and off it like that, right?"
Me: "Uh, yeah, thats probably why I feel like puking right now, huh."
Pharmacist: "Yeah, good luck with that."
Naw, they didn't really say that last part. But, jeez!
Anyway, after finding creative ways to entertain a 14-month-old in Walgreens for an hour, I went home still unmedicated, called the doctor, and said, "WTF?"
And the doctor's receptionist said she had told the pharmacist the refill was approved for thirty days of pills. She gave me her name and told me to tell them to call her if they didn't believe me.
So I called the pharmacist, told them what was going on, gave them the receptionist's name, etc, etc, etc.
Ended up just driving through Walgreens after Abby got home from school, and got my prescription finally! And they gave it to me for free!
So, now I'm back on my meds. Unfortunately I also got a horrid sinus infection, which sometimes happens when I go off my meds because I guess my immune system just gets weak from all the confusion.
Yesterday I also took the little girls to the Farmer's Market, where we bought some fresh banana bread, kettle corn, and blueberries. I love Farmer's Markets! We've been living on the banana bread all day now.
SO I guess we're going to the pool in a little bit, but I'm not sure if I'll go because I don't feel like being all wet and shivery while I have this horrid stuffy nose, you know what I mean?
Yeah, you know.

In other news... I've been doing some writing for Associated Content to get extra money. Check out all my articles:

Angelo Secchi - the Scientist that History Forgot
Many people assume that religion and science contradict each other. But some of science's biggest discoveries were made by a Jesuit priest!
View more »

Girls with ADHD: A Different Kind of Deficit
Statistics show that boys are 3 to 9 times more likely than girls to have ADHD. Yet, in adults, ADHD occurs equally among men and women. Why aren't girls being diagnosed, and who is paying the price?
View more »

Reading to Infants and Toddlers - What and How to Read to Your Baby
Reading to an infant or toddler is much different from reading to a preschooler. But if you choose the right books, you'll be on the right path to raising a bookworm!
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The Twelve Days of Summer by Jan Andrews
Don't just read this book to your child! Enjoy it together, and then use the story to do interesting projects together,
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The Twelve Days of Summer by Jan Andrews
Don't just read this book to your child! Enjoy it together, and then use the story to do interesting projects together,
View more »
Creating a Sensory Box for Your Child
Some kids just love to get messy! A sensory box will allow them to get elbow-deep in messy fun!
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Activity Themes for Family Fun
Use themes to come up with activity ideas for your whole family to enjoy!
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Activity Themes for Family Fun
Use themes to come up with activity ideas for your whole family to enjoy!
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You can also visit my Associated Content Profile to subscribe and get updated whenever I write anything new!



Warning: The following is written on lack of medication and a tired sleepless brain so please disregard and just let me vent for now so hopefully I can relax and sleep.
Cause I just don't feel good tonight and I'm spiraling and its a horrid night for me. Plus now diana was mad at me because when she went to the laundry mat she ended up going to the bar to see Jimmy but then he left her and went with his friend and she came home and was like "So i should break up wit him right?" and i didn't say anything cause i don't want to be the judge of that and then diana was like, "oh great lovely fine go back to sleep" and I did and had nightmares and woke up choking and diana still mad. :( Plus what am i supposed to say because people do the same thing to me all the time as far as saying, "Oh good, you're here, I'm OUTTA HErE". My school is starting in a week or two and Im gonna have to be at night classes which will mean i won't be staying here as many nights and whats really gonna make me sad is when on the nights when I am here, everyones going to jump up and leave cause i'm here and they have the chance to go out. I KNOW no matter hwat that Im here to watch the kids, thats my main purpose to be in this house, which is why jimmy even tells everyone I'm th e babysitter or the nany, not Diana though she doesn't say that but still. I love the kids so much and I try really hard to do activities with them and spend time with them and do fun things, but then in the end I know it aint never enough cause i just don't have enough to give. I know I'm not making any sense here but just let me empty my brain so maybe I an sleep.
Everyone I ever stayed with has just been my friend because I took care of their kids, there's really no other reason for me to exist. I'm not even good at anything but taking care of kids. Its my redeeming quality. And sometims lately I think I even suck at that, because brandon barely listens to me and he seems to hate me now, and Abby listens to me about 50% of the time, and hayden is always whining and everyone thiks its cause I hold her too much. I love Abby and Hayden so much but sometimes I get so mad at Abby during the day because she just seems to do things without thinking, like climbing on stuff or irritating her sister or taking/breaking stuff she's not supposed to have, or like if I let her play with paints and then I go to the bathroom, I come back and she's naked with her whole body painted, and its like, "WHAT????????????" Like, dude, what possessed you to do that?
So thats it really. No point. This post is strictly stream of consciousness. I'm not really crazy. I'm just clearing out my mind. I'm feeling way better already!
Plus I feel like there are so many people in the sidelines who are wondering why I don't give them more, like Melissa and Maggie... can you believe I don't see them anymore at all, after all that? After the whole DCFS thing, its like I'm too drained to even think about them. I mean I just don't have enough, you know, I just don't have enough to give.
I'm tired, I'm gonna try to sleep, in the morning I'm gonna raise hell, kick ass and take names to get my meds! G'night!

Angel, Unmedicated

So. I'm on medication for depression/anxiety,, which I've basically been on and off for about eight years now. The problem is, when you run out, and you don't take it, you get kind of dizzy and start feeling really irritable, and sort of emotionally fragile.
So way back on the 24th I called in my refill request to the pharmacy, and they've been faxing the request to my so-called doctor ever since. And getting no reply. I called the doctor's office myself, and the receptionist told me to have the pharmacy fax it to a different number at their other office. And still, guess what? No reply! And if I don't get my meds by tomorrow, the doctor won't be in until Tuesday, and I'll have to go four more days with nothing, and I'll probably get sick.
And today is kind of a bad day anyway because Hayden was crabby and then Diana came home and was mad at everyone, and its the kind of day where I'm on the edge of my skin thinking, I really tried hard today, but if only I had put that box of crayons away, if only I hadn't done that art project with the kids, if only I had gotten Hayden down for her nap earlier, if only etc, etc, etc. Its a day where I totally feel like ripping my skin right off but if I started Id never stop. I feel like punching walls or something, but i can't do that, because in my life I just have to stay quiet and peaceful and not make problems for anyone, because there is no place and no person in my life that cannot be yanked out from under me if I mess up.
I'm just gonna go lay down.


So, Buttons.

Still suck at thinking of titles.
Its Tuesday and I'm at my mom's house taking care of business, which is basically doing laundry, puttign things away, going to the library, trying to get some writing done for extra $$$, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc.
Summer vacation is basically officially over. Today is Brandon's first day of school, and tomorrow is a very short first day for Abby. (Thursday is her first real day!) Can you believe that the summer is over? I feel sort of sad... We did a whole lot of stuff over the summer, but I can't help feeling like we didn't do enough. And I hate winter. I'm already dreading it. For some reason, anyway, the past few days I've been feeling sad and anxious again, but not that bad at least. Just a lot of changes I guess.
Not a whole lot new to say but here are two REALLY CUTE PICTURES I know you shall love.

We went to Jimmy's sister's house for his niece's birthday party, and they have a tiny little drum set there. Here is Abby jamming out!

We went to the mall after Abby's doctor appointment yesterday, and played in the play center. Hayden crawled onto this bear, and she kept saying, "Book! Book! Book!"


Nothing Much To Say But...

So I'm at my mom's house. She's still in Las Vegas but coming home tomorrow. My dad took the entire day off of work to clean the house. Which is majorly cramping my style! Anyway, nothing much new to write about... I blogged in my other blog, Slow Down, Gym Shoe, if you want to go check that out.
Also don't you think this is an awesome picture?


I'm Fit... to be Tied! Hahahaha that made no sense.

Shut up, I suck at thinking of good titles, okay? I thought of that one because I recently signed up for Lifetime Fitness, through a discount I got because the kids and I belong to a playgroup that we rarely even go to. The cool thing is, I can go there with Abby and Hayden as well. Abby really loves the children's center there. It has one of those tunnel mazes like at McDonalds Land, and tons of toys, computers, and a mini-gym. The staff members there actually play with the kids, too! The last time I left them there, when I went to get them Abby didn't even want to leave, because she had played Dodge Ball and was about to play Kick Ball. I actually stayed an extra forty minutes, playing with Hayden in the baby area, while Abby played Kick Ball and then Hide And Seek with the other kids! She loves it! Also, they have a pool, and yesterday the girls and I went swimming there. There's not as much to do as there is at the regular public pool, but Hayden actually likes it a little more because its quieter, not so much pushy big kids running around. Plus its an indoor/outdoor pool, so in the winter we can still go there and swim indoors!
(By the way, if you think about joining Lifetime Fitness, tell me, cause I can email you a pass thing, which you could get on the website anyway, but if I email it to you I can earn free stuff!)
SO anyway this morning I went there before I came here and worked out for a while, and I'm going to try to work out at least twice a week... on the two days that I watch the kids. I don't like to bring the kids there too much, because I feel bad for leaving Hayden there... but maybe one extra day a week we could go there. I feel a lot better when I work out. My whole body feels nice and stretched out!
In other news, the weekend was pretty good. I don't think I wrote since then, did I? Friday and Saturday we were in Wisconsin for Jimmy's grandma's funeral, which I know I did write about. (Although I think I left out the part where, at the wake, as I am standing around trying to look somber, Jimmy walks up to me and says, "I see dead people!" And the part where, at the banquet dinner after the funeral, the pastor is sitting at our table, and Brandon is telling the pastor all about our two dogs, and then Abby chimes in, "And they like to hump each other!" Oh yeah, and the part where Jimmy's mom introduces Diana as Jimmy's wife! How did I forget all that?)
So anyways, on Sunday we went to Jimmy's mom's house for a BBQ, which we almost blew off because we were feeling lazy and it was supposed to be just a casual get together for pizza, but then Jimmy's sister called and bitched Jimmy out for not coming, which caused Jimmy to whip his phone across the room, which caused me to duck-and-cover! So we did end up going, and I'm actually glad we did because I love Jimmy's family! They are hella nice.
So... thats about it! You should go to my other blog, Slow Down, Gym Shoe, to catch up on what the kids are up to these days!
And now, I shall leave you with a cute picture of Sammy-Joe, which I just took five minutes ago.


Fun Like a Funeral

Jimmy's grandmother passed away this week, and yesterday we all traveled up to Wisconsin to attend the wake and funeral.
It was the first wake or funeral I have ever gone to. People have died in my family, but somehow either didn't have a funeral, or I just wasn't invited to it. Its sort of weird to want to attend a funeral, but going to the funeral of someone I didn't personally know... especially a woman who was very old, had lived a long and full life, and was very ill at the end... was actually a very good experience for me!
There was an open casket, and it was the first time I ever saw a dead person. It was an alarming experience! She really looked like she was just sleeping. I never had the chance to see my grandmother, stepgrandmother, grandfather, or anyone else after they died, and suddely I could envision how strange it would have been to see them that way, looking just the way they looked while they were alive, but not moving and not breathing. It was so sad to watch all of her family members walk up and look at her for the last time, while she lay there! Would it have been better, or worse, they had never gotten that chance?
Anyway, that was my first funeral. We spent the night at a hotel afterwards and had a good time.
If I ever die, I don't want my funeral to be quiet and sad. I want there to be music and photos and good food and happy stories.


Bless You, Now Quit It!

the title of this post is named after what Diana just said to me after I've been sneezing for ten hours because of my horrid evil allergies. At any rate...
Had a pretty good day today! the girls and I met my aunt and little cousins at the children's museum. My cousins are 6 and 4, and Abby is 5, so it was pretty cool to get them all together. I took some pictures but i'm probably not going to put them up until i'm at my mom's house on tuesday, because its hard to get to the pictures on this computer. you have to unplug the mouse to plug in the usp. plus the shift key is busted on this computer, so i've basically given up on capitalizations, as you can see!
Anyways, Jimmy's grandma died this past week, and we're heading off to Wisconsin today for her funeral. The little kids are all excited because to them its like a vacation. They never met her or anything, so they're not feeling sad, except for feeling bad for Jimmy. We're gonna stay in a hotel, so the kids will get to go swimming and everything. If there's a computer there I'll try to update, but other than that, I'll see you when i get bsck.


Not So Good

We had a pretty good weekend, but overall, things aren't going that great.
Tony got arrested again for a DUI and for eluding arrest, and he's in jail, and most definitely going to prison for at least a few years. The big kids don't know it yet... we're going to avoid telling them for as long as possible. But eventually they're going to start wondering why they're not having their weekend visits with him anymore. :(
Mijo, the new dog, might be leaving our house forever. When Diana agreed to get Brandon his own dog, the agreement was that Brandon would be in charge of potty training him, feeding him, cleaning up after him, etc. Sounds like a big responsibility for an eleven-year-old, but considering that Brandon begged for his own dog for years and years and years, you would have thought he'd hold up his end of the agreement when his mom finally decided to let him get one! Plus Brandon, being on summer vacation from school, was really the only one who was going to be home every day to do all that training, since Diana and Jimmy work, and I'm always busyw ith the little girls when I'm there. Unfortunately, months went by, and Brandon really didn't put much effort at all into potty training the dog, choosing instead to play video games with his friends every day and ignore the dog until someone nagged him. So the dog never got potty trained, and peed and pooed everywhere. Yesterday Mijo peed on the new couch, and Diana said that was the last straw. I'm not sure if she's going to give Brandon and Mijo another chance. I hope Mijo stays because I love that little puppy... but Brandon doesn't seem to be doing much to help his own case! So...
Also, this morning Jimmy found out that his grandmother passed away. I think Jimmy was saddest for his own dad, because that was his dad's mother. Whenever someone's parent dies, it makes you think about the fact that its something every one of us is going to have to go through, at some point... unless you somehow die before your parents do... and its going to be the worst and hardest time of your life. What do you even say to someone who's going through that? What can make it better?
So... the week is starting off kind of badly, but...
if you want to read some cheerier news, check out my other blog, Slow Down, Gym Shoe! Scroll down a little to the second or third post to see how the kids' tie-dyes turned out!


Groggy Day

The rest of yesterday was pretty good. Jimmy did end up coming home and made dinner for the kids, adn then w went to the park by the pond, and by the time we got home it was time for the kids to go to bed, so it was all good. And Diana had a lot of fun at Blue Man Group! She was lucky she got to go because the tickets are really expensive, and its kind of a once-in-a-lifetime experience type thing. Although she said sometimes they're a little creepy. Like aliens. Because their faces are blue, and all.
Anyway... I'm feeling a little groggy today for some reason. My mind isn't all here. So let me just take the easy way out and show you some pics of the kids?

Hayden playing with a dandelion.

Hayden likes these swings that are designed for older kids with special needs, so they can swing without falling off. There are baby swings too, but Hayden prefers the giant ones!

Hayden playing at the park.

Abby at the park, looking sort of cranky, as some random kid watches. I don't even think Abby was playing with that kid! I have no idea how she got in the picture! Hmm, maybe she's a ghost!

Abby at Meijer telling me how big she thinks the fish in the tanks are.

I love this picture of Hayden! She loves to play with the Crayons, and she also tries to eat them. Last night I was trying to get her to draw, and she actually did make a few scribbles!

Brandon snuggling on the couch with Mijo last night.

I wish I had more pics of Abby from yesterday, but she was mostly running around on the big playground with the older kids, while I was lingering around with the baby.

Oh yeah, and remember I told you about our sun paintings? You can go see how they turned out, at my other blog, Slow Down, Gym Shoe!

OK have a good day! I'm gonna go, I dunno, watch TV or something, anything that doesn't require my mind to be here!


Jimmy Says Its A Good Day But I Think He's Lying!

Jimmy always says its going to be a good day when I ask him, but I think what he really mean is "Don't get all freaked out and spazzy now."
I am sad today. Last night I was at my mom's house and Diana texted me saying that Jimmy dumped her and that it was a real bad fight. She wanted to know why I love Jimmy so much when he hates her. I wrote back saying I don't think Jimmy hates her, and anyway that she was going to have a good day the next day going to Blue Man Group with her mom and sisters. And she wrote back, "Fuck U" and wouldn't say nothing more to me.
Of course I had to toss and turn all night worrying about it. but I thought things would be fine in the morning.
But when I got here in the morning Diana was still crying and Jimmy was still mad, and after Jimmy left Diana got mad at me because she says why is she supposed to feel bad about Jimmy leaving, just because me and the kids like him.
I just don't get why it has to turn on me every time!
Plus Diana always says people's true feelings come out when they're drunk. And whenever Diana is drunk, she suddenly hates me. Its a heartbreaking realization to me!
So this morning when I asked him is today a bad day, he said "No, is going to be a good day," and so far... at least for the kids and me... it has been. This morning Abby and Hayden and me went to the castle park, then we went to Meijers and picked up a few things, then we went to Bueno Beef for lunch because I had some free kids meal tickets from the reading program. That reading program is going to keep us fed for the rest of the summer! We also did "sun painting" this morning, which is where you put pieces of construction paper in the sun and lay things on top of it. Then you go away for a few hours. When you come back, you can pick up all the things, and see what the sun has "painted" on your paper! I'll post some pics on my other blog, Slow Down, Gym Shoe! in a little while.
Right now Hayden is taking a nap, and Brandon and Abby are outside playing somewhere. I call this time "Quiet Time" or "Rest Your Body Time" to Abby, because she's supposed to settle down and rest for a while while the baby naps. But during the summer, when Brandon is home, its hard to make her sit still for any length of time, so I usually end up sending her out to play. Diana's not coming home until late tonight, and I doubt Jimmy will be home either, so we're in it for the long haul tonight! Its cool though cause we still got lots of other stuff to do!
So this day is 50% good and 50% bad I guess!


We're Not In Kansas Any More!

What a scary night we had last night! If you live in the midwest, you already know what I'm talking about!
Last night I was at home with the three kids, plus two of Brandon's friends. Jimmy had gone out to the bar, and Diana was working late. Hayden was alarmingly cranky, so I decided to throw her in the bath a little early! While I was giving her a bath, Abby suddenly ran in and jumped into the tub... and then I heard it storming really loudly outside! (That was why Abby had suddenly decided to take a bath with Hayden, instead of waiting until later... because she didn't want to be alone in the living room when she saw that it was storming!)
Shortly thereafter, Diana called me and told me that there was a tornado warning (meaning a tornado had actually been spotted) in the town where she works. At that same time, the Tornado Warning thing interrupted on the TV! And the sirens started blaring outside! What a nightmare! We don't have a basement, so I hustled all five kids and two dogs into the bathroom to wait it out. I told them it was just a bad storm and we were just being careful to stay away from any windows, but the older boys figured it out, and soon Abby was crying. And of course, in the midst of all this, the two dogs were humping away like crazy!
Jimmy actually came back from the bar when he realized we were over at the house in grave danger. He just walked into the bathroom and saw us all huddled there, and said, "What, its raining a little?"
Ugh! Also Diana kept calling to update me, and soon she told me that the tornado was probably gone, although the thunderstorm was still in full force! The lightening was so close, you could hear it snapping and popping! Diana said she was on the phone and she heard the electricity through the phone before she heard it outside!
Diana was stuck at work all this time, and when she walked outside onto the porch at her work she saw total disaster... cops were everywhere, roads were closed, and everything was totally messed up! But finally the storm slowed down enough for her to get home... and we all lived happily ever after.
But jeez, was it a scary night!


We Go Camping, And Other Near Disasters!

Friday, 7:45 am: As Diana gets ready for work, Jimmy says, "Lets do something! Tell Mama to stay home and we'll do something fun! Lets go on a roadtrip! We can go camping!" Jimmy convinces Diana to take the day off of work.

8:30 am: Jimmy lays out the plan: He will go to his house and get all of his camping stuff, then come back and get us, and we will all go pick up his paycheck with him, cash it, and hit the road.

9:00 am: Diana and I scramble to get all of the kids and ourselves showered, packed, and ready to go.

9:30 am: Jimmy calls to tell us that he's going to go pick up his paycheck, and cash it, on his own, and then come get us.

10:00 am: The couch is piled up with things Diana has decided to pack, including two large electric fans, a boom box, a suitcase, backpacks, and many, many blankets.

10:30 am: No Jimmy! DIana and I figure the whole thing was a ploy to distract us while Jimmy fled the state!

!0:45 am: Jimmy returns, takes one look at the couch piled high with stuff, and curses humanity.

11:00 am: We hit the road, but decide to stop at Wal-Mart to pick up some more supplies.

11:10 am: Me and the kids wait in the car while Jimmy and Diana hit up Wal-Mart. The kids fight and scream. I pretend to be asleep.

12:00 pm: Diana and Jimmy emerge from Wal-Mart and we hit the road again.

12:05 pm: We get lost trying to find the highway.

12:30 pm: We find the highway!

2:00 pm: We arrive at our camp site and set up camp, then go swimming at the beach!

8:00 pm: We have KFC for dinner, along with Jimmy's brother, sister-in-law, and niece, who have joined us for swimming.

9:30 pm: Jimmy takes the three older kids fishing, after he starts us a fire and lights the gas lantern. Diana sits in the van and tries to get the baby to fall asleep. I sit outside at the picnic table with the two dogs.

10:00 pm: Diana comes out of the van, and points out to me that the fire has died, and the lantern has burned out! Somehow I didn't even notice! Diana decides to get back in the car to avoid the darkness. I decide to stay in the dark, enjoy the peace, and text Sarah for amusement.

10:30 pm: The big kids burst out of the wiods, scaring the dogs and freaking me out!

11:00 and beyond: Diana and the baby stay sleeping in the car. The rest of us make S'mores and Jiffy Pop. Eventually Abby goes to her tent to sleep. The boys stay up later, and then go very noisily to their tent, where they proceed to scream and shout about a daddy long legs, the dogs humping each other in the corner, and other travesties. People from other camp sites shout for them to shut up!

6:00 am: I awake in my tent to the sound of Abby announcing that we forgot to put a diaper on her and she has peed in her sleeping bag. I crawl sleepily out of my tent to go use the bathroom. I come back to find that everyone else is awake, and kids are crawling in and out of the van, in various stages of changing clothes, lookng for toys, etc.

6:20 am: Jimmy begs everyone to get out of the van, so he can drive to the indoor bathroom and go poo-poo.

6:25 am: Jimmy gives up on getting everyone out of the van, and urges me and the dogs to get IN the van, which will be easier than getting all the kids OUT! Soon we are cruising frantically down the camp roads, nearly missing stop signs and running over small children, in an effort to make it to the camp store with the indoor bathroom.

6:30 am: The camp store is closed, and Jimmy is forced to poo-poo in an outhouse, while the rest of us wait in the car.

6:45 am: We stop at McDonalds for coffees and hot chocolates, which takes about ten hours because the McDonalds people keep messing up our order!

7:00 am: We arrive back at camp, and Jimmy vows to make breakfast for everyone. We soon realize that the fire is dead and we have no more wood left. Jimmy says don't worry, he has a camp stove! However, we have forgotten to bring a frying pan. So Jimmy makes hot dogs on the little grill thing.

10:00 am: We pack up all of our stuff, and head off to go paddle boating!

11:00 am: Paddle boating, for our family, is a complicated endeavor that involves two paddle boats, and the passing back and forth between boats of screaming babies and children, and arguing with big kids who want to use the paddle boat to fish from!

12:00 pm: We are done paddle boating, and load everyone back in the car.

It was the best camping trip ever!

View this montage created at One True Media
My Montage 8/3/08