Am I Even Awake Right Now?

Ugh, I feel like I'm still sleeping! I don't know why, because I got a good night's sleep last night... me and Diana both didn't feel good and we turned off the lights shortly after getting all the kids to bed, which was about at 9:45 or something! Plus I slept in until 8 am. But I still feel like I been hit by a truck! Everyone in the house is getting sick again. I swear we get every germ imaginable!
This morning Brandon woke me up saying, "Can you take me to school? Right now? We have to go!" He's been late to school before, obviously, but he was panicking because he'd remembered that the class was going to have an "early lunch" that day, and then go on a field trip right after lunch, and he was freaked out that he was going to miss the field trip! No amount of explaining from me could convince the boy that "early lunch" probably meant they'd eat lunch at ten or eleven, not at eight-thirty in the morning! Poor little dude. He was literally making himself sick in the car, holding his head in his hands and saying, "I'm scared! I don't want to miss the field trip!"
The field trip is to the Robert Crown Center to see the Life Begins presentation. If I remember correctly from my own fifth grade field trips, he might have had more fun if he missed that field trip, anyway!
Oh well...
In other news, Jimmy is still in New Orleans, obviously, and the rest of us are surviving well enough. Diana misses him like crazy. I miss him too, but in my brain knowing someone will be back in exactly 9 days is way better than just watching someone storm out the door and not knowing if and when they'll be back.
We had a fun night last night, despite everyone feeling like crap. Hayden was running around like crazy and everyone was chasing her, and we basically ended the night all sitting in a big pile on the floor and laughing! It was what Abby would call "Family Joy Time!" Despite what anyone else in the world may say, I think our household is a lot better off than other families in many ways, because we do all have fun and enjoy each other's company. A lot of families don't have that, you know.
In worse news, I don't know if I posted this before but over the weekend Anthony was MIA for a while. On Sunday afternoon his girlfriend had called, and I answered the phone, and she was crying because he had apparently taken off the night before and not come back. So I tried calling his phone, and later Diana did too.
Then that night Tony called us back to let us know he was back at his girlfriend's house and everything was fine, but he was not doing good! He said he had done crack, coke and meth during the night he'd been gone. He was talking about killing himself and everything. I know he partially talks about that stuff just because its the worst thing he can think of to say to make everyone understand how he's feeling, and he probably wouldn't kill himself... probably. But still. When I was on the phone with him I was trying to remind him that he'd been doing good lately, seeing the kids on the weekends and everything, and that they loved going to see him. He said, "They love coming to see the lizards." (Well... kinda true...) He said, "They'll be fine without me. They have a new dad now."
But I think by now he's doing at least a little bit better, because he's getting the kids tomorrow as usual and keeping them until late on Saturday. So thats good right?
Funny Quote of the Day

Diana: "Does anyone want some Cheez-Its?"
Abby: "I want cracky! I want cracky!"
Diana: "Nope, no cracky for you. Genetics..."


Memorable Memorial Day

Well I'm back at my mom's house after that weekend that seemed to stretch on for days! The rest of Memorial Day weekend, since I last wrote, was pretty cool. On Sunday night we stayed at Jimmy's house and had dinner there ribs and baked potatoes and corn on the cob and stuff. Then on the real Memorial Day we went to Diana's mom's house and had more food and had a water balloon fight and played Ladder Ball. I liked the water balloon fight even though I was mostly observing. I was holding the baby so she could chew on her little water balloon and watch all the big kids go crazy. Jimmy was filling the water balloons with the hose and he actually squirted me like five times even with the baby in my hands!!!!! A good time was had by all.
Anyway Jimmy is going to be gone on a business trip to New Orleans for nine days, so its going to be a free for all at our house! We are going to eat a bunch of cereal and go wild! ;)



Question: Will Diana and Jimmy ever return from Wal-Mart?

Answer: Outlook not so good!

Yeah that was fun

Okay now its the next day, and guess what? Yesterday the rest of the day went perfectly good! After the big kids got home we all went to the carnival, including Diana! The carnival was in the city and Jimmy's brother was working there. So Jimmy's brother was getting us on a bunch of the rides for free! I went on all sorts of rides with Brandon. Brandon and me went twice on the ride that is sort of like the Gravitron, except it actually lifts up and goes sideways and upside down while its spinning! I think its called the Roundup or something. Diana went on it with us the second time. It was dark out that time, and once it gets dark they make all the rides faster and scarier, and they turned out the lights and freaked us out! Brandon and me also went on the Zipper twice! I used to love the Zipper but it was the first time Brandon had been on it. It was so much fun! Diana and Jimmy were both scared to go on that one though.
Then Jimmy went with Brandon and me on the Himalayan and the Hang Glider, which were both pretty cool. Abby loved the fun house and the big potato sack slide the best, and I took Hayden on the merry go round! It was a hella fun night.
Then on the way home all the kids fell asleep in the car, and went to bed right away when we got back... and Diana and Jimmy and me stayed up for a while and watched Gangland on TV. It was such a good night! I didn't want to go to sleep at all and make it end but eventually I did.
Unbelievable, right?
So now today Diana and Jimmy have gone out to the party store to get stuff for Hayden's birthday party, and I am watching the kids. Then we're gonna go do something as a family I guess. And everyone's gonna be happy... for today at least... I hope...


Had a Bad Day...

I'm startin to wish this day never happened!
It started out promising enough cause the big kids were with their dads, and although Diana was depressed due to fighting with Jimmy, we were making the best of things by ordering a pizza and watching TV and planning on taking a nap.
Then Jimmy came over and was hootin and hollerin and calling Diana all sorta bitches and ho's as he moved his stuff out of the house. I swear I was flashing back to Anthony days and Nick days cause I was scared he was gonna start hittin her. I mean he never did before but theres always a first time and he was really loud and everythiing.
So then they both go outside, and I'm inside holdin onto the baby, and tryin not to have an anxiety attck right then and there cause I had to watch Hayden,
then Jimmy comes in and says Well Diana won't get outta my car! It was a little weird ause he was sayin it into Hayden's toy microphon e, "Sheee wooonnt geeet ouuuut of my caaaaaar!" and it was sort of twilight zone.
Then Jimmmmy left again, saying he was gonna walk home to his house, and handed Hayden to me again, and I was fittin to put her down for a nap because she had been taking one when Jimmy had stormed in and woke her up. So II made her a bottle and put her down in the bed. Then Diana called me from Jimmy's phone, because Jimmy was just driving his car with Diana in it!
So the baby never went back to sleep and I was watching Hayden again, and all shit just keeps breakin loose and breakin loose and breakin loose. I could hear them yelling and hollering outside and threatening to call the cops on ech other an everything else.
The thing I hate is I felt like throwing up and crying and faintin and everything else but I gotta stay calm and act normal so I can take care of the baby so basically I was just trying to keep my mind from flying away
and I know everyone wold say "So just go back home to your moms house if you can't deal" because theoretically none of this is my problem BUT it doesnt work that way cause this IS my family and these ARE the people I love and if I was at home I'd be even worse you know. People always seem to think I don't even have a right to be freakin out about these thigs but I cant help it cause they ARE my family and I just want so bad for everyone to be happy and I hate hearin people fight and I just wanted to hide under the table like I used to back in the da when Nick and Diana would fight, only now I got Hayden to look after.
So supposedly Jimmys taken the kids to the carnival later on and supposedly I'm gonna go with although I don't know how thats gonna work out
And now the big kids are home.


Hate Me?

I really have no clue what to write today. I gotta get a lot of junk done today, and I don't have a lot of time to do it... but I'd much rather blog, even if I have nothing to say!
Yesterday was a good day for me and the kids, which you can read about at my other blog, Slow Down, Gym Shoe! so I don't have to repeat it all here! You should check it out, there's pictures!
But here's a bonus picture to keep you occupied until then...

Its of Hayden outside. We have all these Little Tyke play things in the back yard, and Hayden actually can climb up the smaller slides, and then slide down alone! She loves it!
Anyway... Diana and Jimmy are fighting again, and so Diana was sad when she came home, and she was irritated with me too, so the afternoon was stressful for all. Then Jimmy unexpectedly showed up, so Diana left in order to not be around him. Jimmy played with the baby and washed her up, then all of the kids went to bed, and then Jimmy left, and then Diana came home, and then we hung out for a while, and then Diana went to bed. A good time was had by all.
John, on the other hand, is missing in action because he went back to Michigan to see about a baby it turns out he is the father of! Weird...
Still having a lot of anxiety lately.


Progression of the week

So this week is proceeding smoothly! Had an uneventful day yesterday with the kids. We went to playgroup yesterday morning but none of our usual friends came. Abby played with some new kids instead... although she protested, "I don't want to play with random kids!" Then we had to take Pufferfish to the doctor because her ear has still been bothering her. Turns out the antibiotics we were giving her didn't do their job, and now she's on something stronger. Her breathing is better though, at least!
Then last night Diana came home, and Jimmy and John showed up, and we ate some wicked good burritos. It was the event of the day.
Brandon spent most of the afternoon and evening at his dad's house. Brandon has been dying to have some pet lizards, ever since last week when he found a frog on our nature walk and I wouldn't let him keep it. (We don't have good luck when we yoink pets out of nature!) Diana kept telling him no way was he getting a lizard, and then she started to cave a little and said she'd think about it. By the weekend, she was secretly planning to get him a lizard, but she wasn't saying anything about it because she wanted him to keep having good behavior around the house, so she could tell him that he'd earned the lizard!
So on Friday afternoon he and Abby went to their dad's house, and on Saturday morning guess what! Their dad and his girlfriend took them out and bought two lizards!
The lizards were in an aquarium at their apartment, and Brandon and Abby were crestfallen because Diana said they couldn't take the lizards home. She was sort of pissed off at the shady way in which the lizards had been acquired. However, she said the kids could go to their dad's apartment and visit the lizards whenever they wanted. So of course the kids wanted to go the very next day!
When we took them to see the lizards, their dad's girlfriend was home but their dad wasn't, and she let them stay up there and see the lizards for only a few minutes. According to Brandon, he mentioned that he was trying to convince Diana to let him bring the lizards home, and his dad's girlfriend said she didn't want Brandon to bring the lizards home anyway because they belonged with her and the kids' dad.
So now Brandon has been wanting to spend every instant over at his dad's house, which is ironic, because before, you could barely drag him over there! He wanted to be at home, so he could play with his neighborhood friends, and he thought his dad's house was boring. Now, his dad is Da Bomb in his eyes!
So yesterday he got picked up after school by his dad and spent the whole afternoon and evening there, playing with the lizards. He took pictures of them and everything. He says he loves them more than anything in life! And he has fun over at his dad's because even while his dad wasn't home his dad's girlfriend hung out with him and played board games with him and did some sort of craft with him where he got to make a rubber ball... and he did it all with his lizards next to him.
Weird situation, right? Hmm...

Anyway, on an unrelated topic, I always love those blog posts where people post what keywords other people put into a search engine to get to their blog. And finally I have some of my own! Check this out:

Puke all weekend
Naughty files (3 people)
Naughty Abby
Steak n shake
Italian Birthday party (4 people)
Italian birthday food
big fat birthday party
iFlop animal speaker (2 people)
Too late to puke
Puking all day
How's Trix
mom swallows wake up (?????)

So, its good to know this blog is providing a useful service to people who want to learn about naughty files, Italian birthday parties, and puking!


End of the Weekend!

Ugh, every time Sunday night rolls around, its like, "What happened to the weekend!" I remember how, on Friday morning, the whole weekend loomed promisingly before me... and now its over!
Not that I have any problem with Mondays. Now that my "job" is to watch Abby and Hayden, I no longer detest weekdays! But I definitely love weekends, because thats when Diana, and sometimes Jimmy and John, are home, and I get to hang out with them! This weekend me and Diana spent most of Saturday morning just lounging around the house, then picked up the big kids from their dad's house and went to Diana's sister's birthday party. John went too. And today we were planning to go to the Lilac Parade, but on our way there Diana stopped and got hot cocoas for everyone, and Abby spilled hers and burned the crap out of her legs, so we decided to skip the parade. (Although twenty minutes later she seemed fine!) We went out to lunch at Old Country Buffet, which was a lot of fun. We stuffed ourselves! Even Hayden ate a bunch of stuff like mashed potatoes and jello and biscuits and chicken nuggets and vegetables, and a big ol' cupcake with pink frosting for dessert! She was in Baby Heaven!
John was here last night and this morning and that was fun, but then he disappeared. He's very elusive like that. He could be hanging out with you one minute, then you blink, and he's gone! Today he said he was going to Steak N Shake to pick up some food. Steak N Shake is literally a minute away from our house. And he left, and never came back! Its fun when he's here, even though he's kind of bossy and always telling us what we're doing wrong as far as disciplining the kids. Today I put Abby in the corner for biting Brandon, and then after four minutes I let her come out and he's like, "That's not four minutes! What are you talking about!" Then when I was trying to talk to her about not biting, John kept commenting how I'm not strict enough or whatever. He's just like that, he's just full of running commentary. But I know he doesn't mean nothing by that.
As for Jimmy he's been working 24/7 and hasn't been around much, and Diana is still fighting with him a lot. Supposedly he's gonna spin his way back here at around 11 pm.
But mostly its been just me and Diana and the kids on the weekends, which is cool!
The baby is still on all her meds and albuterol and everything but she seems to be feeling better. We're going to try to take her to the doctor tomorrow to make sure her ear infection is getting better. Unfortunately I think I'm getting an ear infection too! But it could just be my allergies. I might get some ear drops from Walgreens tomorrow...
I'm so tired today even though I took a nap. Sometimes I have detatching problems when I'm first waking up and I have that a lot lately. It means when I wake up I don't really know where I am. It was so weird because when I woke up today I had no clue where I was and I saw Brandon holding Hayden and said, "Where'd that baby come from?" I knew it was Hayden but I couldn't figure out why she was there, and then I thought I was supposed to be watching her and that I'd fallen asleep by accident, but I forgot Diana was there too taking a nap. On the weekends, when Hayden takes a nap, me and Diana tend to immediately fall asleep too, like, "OK quick lets sleep!"
OK Abby is in the shower now and is hollering at me for something so lemme go see what she wants,


Happy Birthday 2 Me

Today is my birthday and so far it has been pretty good, even though I really don't like the fact that I am turning 29! It is weird for me because I look and act way younger than I am so people are always like, "Oh my God, how old are you?" and every year as I get older it gets more embarrassing.
But besides that, this day has been good!
Last night after Diana and Jimmy and John got home, Diana went somewhere and the kids went to bed and Jimmy suddenly said, "Come on Nicki, lets go to the bar," and I was like, "Uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....." Because it was very weird for Jimmy to tell me to go to the bar with them, and Diana wasn't even there which made it doubly unusual! But John said he was gonna watch the kids, and so I went to the bar with Jimmy and had some Cherry Bomb drinks which are really good. I can drink them really fast because they taste like cherry soda sort of! We were there for a while just talking and then Diana appeared too, and we played the bowling game. I won once and lost once. It was really fun!
Also this morning they gave me a card and a present which was a heart locket where you can put four pictures inside. I am going to put pictures of the kids inside of it! Plus Diana's mom sent me a card with five dollars and a Target gift certificate.
Then I dropped Brandon off at school, which was a weird experience because Brandon said his stomach hurt and he kept needing to stop cause he wanted to puke out the door, but all he did was gag, then he called Diana and she said he had to go to school, and suddenly he didn't need to puke any more.
Next I went back to my mom's house, and she had presents for me too, a pair of shorts and a shirt and some $$$$$! Also today is Trixie's birthday too. Probably not for real, because we don't know when she was born, but her approximate birth day was in May so we just decided to let her share my birthday with me! So Trixie Puppy is One today! Plus my mom asked me if I'm going to be home for dinner today, so maybe we will go out or something, I don't know...
The best part of my birthday so far was definitely at Diana's house though, going to the bar, and also the locket they gave me, and the card which they all signed and which John gave the cow some tattoos and signed Breanna's name too. And Diana said the locket and going to the bar was Jimmy's idea, and she said that John had said something about that I liked angel stuff. Which is interesting because that means John and Jimmy are my friends for real too, not just being nice to me because I am strategically located at Diana's house at the same time as them. Which means I have lots of friends/family in life now: Diana, Jimmy, John, Diana's mom, and all of the kids. Thats really a lot. So I should never be sad in life, right?
One more good thing that happened is Hayden has been walking a ton lately! Check this out:

She loves walking now, and pretty soon she'll just be walking like a normal little kid! It looks so funny to see her walk, because she's so tiny and she just sort of toddles along on her little baby legs!
She's really sick right now though. She's been having trouble breathing and everything. Its really sad to see. Yesterday when I got her up from her nap she was wheezing really loudly, and she just kept looking at me with this confused look on her face, like, "Uh, can't you do something about this?" I think she's going to the doctor today so I hope she's all better soon!
OK I'll write more later, c-ya later alligator!



Musta scratched the shit out of the skin out of my arms last night when I was having trouble breathing cause they're all sore and burny and gross today. Sometimes when I have anxiety problems I can't feel my skin and it makes me freak out worse. Anyways guess I will have to wear long sleeves for a while, bleh!
Got a lot done today though. Finished all my applications to Roosevelt for fall, plus my financial aid application, etc, etc, etc. Gonna go mail some stuff, then come back and write some book reviews for $$$$$!
Gonna take Trixie with me to the mail box.
I might be losing my mind or something, what do you think?????


Can't sleep...

I'm so tired and my throat hurts but I cant sleep because every time I try to relax I have panic problems and can't hold still! I feel like running around and breaking stuff and yelling and screaming. But that would be bad.

The Day After...

Well, I learned something the other night. When you take several Tylenol PM, you don't fall asleep that many times faster than usual. Instead, you get really dizzy and nauseous and twitchy and can't fall asleep at all!
That said, Sunday was a much better day for me! I went over to Diana's house and hung out, and me and the kids gave her our Mother's Day presents and cards and stuff. Then, we drove to the city to go to a party at Jimmy's sister's house! Diana was freaked out about driving to the city, but we managed it! (She even drove home on the express way at the end of the night!)
I had fun at the party. Usually at my real family's parties I am hella nervous and uncomfortable, like I described about the birthday party/mother's day party I went to on Saturday. But at this one I wasn't very nervous at all and I did pretty good! I liked playing with the huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge, huge dog named Nalla!
Now it is the next night. John is back in town. Diana and Jimmy and John have gone up to the bar. I am stayiing back watching the kids, who are all sleeping. My throat kinda hurts. I might go to sleep soon. :(
Here are some cute pics of Abby...

(With John)

And if you want to see any more pics, and read about the day I had with Abby and Hayden and Brandon, check out my other blog, Slow Down, Gym Shoe!


Going Crazy

I am about to snap, seriously, my mind is whirling because I've just had ENOUGH of this day!
I went to my little cousin's family birthday party today which is always a stresstul event, not because of my little cousins but because of all of the adults running around. My grandpa thinks I should just quit school and work full time again since its taking me too long to finish school, they all seem to think I'm a loser, my uncle wouldn't let his kid go up the stairs to play with my other cousins even when I was with them, my mom was acting like she was hyped up on cocaine and talked at the top of her lungs the whole time trying to one-up everyone at everything, it was just so noisy and crowded... and by the end of the party I was seriously about to have a panic attack because I just had no escape! Plus its an hour long car ride there and back, so I was trapped in a car with my parents for two hours losing my mind.
So then I came home and felt sick and just passed out for a few hours with my cat in my arms, which was actually nice... except I had horrible nightmares the whole time! I don't even know what they were about but they had something to do with dying and that if you stopped watching people for a moment they would disappear, or something like that, and being alone in the dark outside and being afraid of coyotes and stuff... I don't know, they were like fever dreams except I wasn't sick.
SO then I woke up and was feeling all jittery and decided to try to distract myself by figuring out how to download songs to my new phone. But I couldn't figure out how to put in the memory card into the phone! It isn't anywhere in the manual, or anyplace else, and I can't find a memmory slot anywhere. Which wouldn't be a big deal if I wasn't already on edge...
And my mom is being bitchy and snapping at me, and I'm just jttery and having trouble breathing and about to cry, and I want so bad to go back to Diana's house but I think she doesn't want me to come because I kept asking her through text message and she never answered, so I guess they probably want to be alone for once cause I'm there far too often anyway. So hopefully I can go there tomorrow but I don't know...
I'm seriously about to rip my skin off dude. ANd I can't even go to sleep because I took that weird nightmare filled nap a while ago...
So here's my plan. I'm just going to go upstairs, take a whole bunch of Tylenol PM, and hopefully be able to go to sleep, and then maybe in the morning I will call Diana again and see if I can go over there. Even if they're not home I just want to be OUT of here! Everyone hates me so much and I'm such a loser to everyone and my grandpa is like, "Work full time" and my dad is like, "All your stuff is still in my garage and so I can't buy an antique car" and my mom is like, "Whats your problem" and I'm just like "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
So lemme just go take that Tylenol and turn my brain off for the night.
Thats all.

Talkin 'Bout Last Night...

See I told you I suck at titles!
Yesterday was another busy day for me! I was with Abby and Hayden all day. We did Mother's Day things. We went to this place about ten minutes away called Creative Learning Art Studio, and Abby got to make a whole bunch of craft projects, plus we also did a few things at home. Later on today, hopefully, I'm gonna go back over there and drop off all the stuff we made. I am at my mom's house right now cause I'm going to my little cousin's birthday party, and I told Abby I'd bring the stuff home and put it in a gift bag or something and then bring it back to her to give to Diana... because I was sort of worried, if we hid it somewhere in the house until Sunday, it would get found or played with or broken or something!
Anyway after Diana got home we took the kids to the mall because Diana had to pick up some things, and I wanted to get a new cellphone because mine was broken beyond repair. Last week I dropped it on the pavement by accident, but I fixed it, but then yesterday Hayden knocked it off the table and it broke again! Luckily my New Every Two thing was up, so I got a brand new phone, and this one is way better... it plays music and everything!
Then we all went home, and the kids went to bed, and Diana and Jimmy went out for a while.
Soon it was one a.m. and Diana and Jimmy came home, and Jimmy foisted an entire plate of pizza rolls on me, and I ate them and they were good. I am getting used to going to sleep, then waking up in the midst of the night and eating a bunch of food, and then going back to sleep when Diana and Jimmy go to sleep!
OK so we all were sitting up and talking for a while and then Diana and Jimmy went to bed and I started to fall asleep.
Suddenly, at about 3 am, something strange happened! I saw the front door shake and the door knob turn! Clover started to bark, then she stopped barking and jumped up on the couch with me. Since John had said he was coming back from Michigan on Sunday, I thought maybe he had showed up a few days early, maybe to get his paycheck which had returned in the mail to Diana's house. So I texted John to say, "R U Here?" because if he was I would get up and let him in, but I wasn't about to open the door to anyone else at 3 am! Then John texted me back to say, "No I'm still in hell."
So I was like, "Uh then who just tried to open the door?" I texted John that but he never replied and I fell asleep feeling a little nervous.
So then at about 3:45 am my new phone rang and it was John. Lets review how the conversation went:

John: "Nicki whats going on?"
Nicki: "Nothing. It was nothing. Someone just shook the door or something, but nobody ever came in, so it must have been, like, someone just going door to door trying to open the doors."
John: "Does that happen often in Glendale Heights, Nicki? People running through the neighborhood trying to open all the doors?"
Nicki: "Uh, no. But nobody ever came in!"
John: "Are you sure? Are you okay? Tell me you're okay."
Nicki: "Everythings okay!"
John: "Is my sister right there?"
Nicki: "No, she's sleeping, they're all asleep."
John: "They're all asleep? And you're sitting in the living room alone freaking out?"
Nicki: "Yeah but everythings okay. Maybe it was just a dream... but I saw the doorknob turn! And Clover was barking!"
John: "Thank God for Clover, huh? She saved the day!"
Nicki: "Yep."
John: "Well, I'm the last call on your phone, right?"
Nicki: "Yeah..." (Because I was still talking to him!)
John: "So if anything happens call me right away."
Nicki: "OK."
John: "See ya."

I guess I could have woken up Diana and Jimmy when the door was shaking, but I just figured it was John, and by the time I realized it was not John, the moment had passed! The whole time, I had been waiting for whoever it was to go around to the back door and walk in, but they never did.

And the weirdest thing is, in the morning when I left the house, I realized, the front door had never even been locked!

What a weird night...


Bonus Post

So I'm at my mom's house because its Thursday, and for some reason I'm really hungry, which I blame directly on Diana and Jimmy because at their house they're always foisting meals upon me so my stomach has gotten used to eating again on a regular basis. So now I'm sitting here being hungry, and there's no food here! And you know what I can't stop thinking about? How Diana and Jimmy went to Jewel yesterday and bought about 30 boxes of cereal and other General Mills stuff. Man, I wish it wasn't Thursday!
(Plus I just miss you guys!)

So, whatcha doin?

I suck at thinking of titles for these random posts.
Anyway, yesterday was a cool day because Brandon and Abby and Hayden and I went to the Children's Museum where I used to work. We had a cool time! You can check out my other blog, Slow Down, Gym Shoe! to see pictures of our trip to the museum! I am a photo addict and I love to take pictures of everything. Anyway, Brandon actually ditched school to go with us, which worked out great, because he and Abby played together and I kept Hayden with me. It was really helpful during moments when, for instance, I had to go back to the stroller to get Hayden's bottle or a diaper or something, and I didn't have to make Abby stop playing and bring her with me. She could just keep playing with Brandon while I took Hayden with me. He also played with Hayden a few times while I played with Abby, but I think playing with Abby was more fun for him because she can actually run around and do things. Plus I think it was cool for Brandon to be there, because he's probably technically getting a little too old for places like the Children's Museum, but when he's with Abby he can play with everything and totally enjoy it without feeling like he's too big. One weird thing about having Brandon with me though is he's alarmingly protective of the girls and I don't think he really trusts me to watch after them. He's always trying to make rules for them and correcting me on what I should or shouldn't let them do, like "Don't let her play with that!" or "Where's she going?" I had to keep telling him, "Dude, I'm a grown-up, I can handle it!" He's always been a worrier, he always seems to have it in the back of his mind that the people he loves could just get wiped out at a moment's notice if he's not careful. I'm sort of like that too, and I feel bad for him because its really nervewracking to feel that way! Even at home he's like that, even with Diana. For instance when Diana and Jimmy are fighting in another room, he'll get all nervous and keep looking frantically at me, until finally he'll be like, "Can you please go check on them because if I go back there I'm going to get involved." So I'll walk back there and look, just so he sees me look, and I'll tell him everything is fine, its okay, they're just hollering but Jimmy's not going to hurt Mama, because he's not like that. Which is hard for me to believe too, but apparently its true, because I've seen Jimmy get hella mad but I've never seen him hit anyone. But Brandon's just never quite sure, and he seems to take personal responsibility for keeping everyone safe and sound.
So how'd I get on that topic?
Anyway Even Hayden loved the Children's Museum, as you will see from the pictures on my other blog. It was way better than the playground, because at the playground the only thing she can really do is go on the swing, and the rest of the time I'm just carting her around. But at the Museum I just let her crawl most of the time and followed her to whatever she wanted to see. She loved it! She loved the weirdest things though. Like this one scale that you can stand on to see how much you weigh in gallons. Hayden kept crawling onto it, then she'd crawl off, then she'd turn around and crawl back on, then off, then on, then off, all with a big smile on her face! Her other favorites were the tunnel and the slide in the Clifford room, the rocking chair in the baby room, and the jellyfish in the water room.
Of course though Abby had the most fun of all! She's the perfect age for places like that and she just totally got involved in every room we went into. Her favorites were the Pet Vet and the restaurant, because she could play pretend, which is what she loves to do most!
So. We were there a long time, and afterwards we went home and had a peaceful rest of the day, since Hayden took a nap and the big kids were pooped! Then Diana came home, and then Jimmy came over, and then Diana and Jimmy went out for a while. Jimmy has a new camcorder, which I used to film a wrestling video of Brandon and Abby. It was pretty cool, but I couldn't figure out how to rewind it and show it to them. I know the end part is crazy because Hayden, who was watching from her crib, somehow knocked her head on her mobile (which I think Abby was involved in somehow) and started crying, so I handed Brandon the camera so I could pick up the baby, and I think he zoomed it in as far as it could go, so when I took the camera back the next few minutes were me saying, "What happened? I can't see anything? What happened? I can't see anything!"
After that the kids went to bed, and I fell asleep for a while, and when I awoke Jimmy had appeared in the room saying, "Ready for pizza?" and Diana was behind him, and I was like, "What? Huh?" Then they really did make pizza, and then we sat around for about an hour eating it, while Jimmy and Diana argued amongst themselves about the whole history of their lives up until the last ten minutes. Its hard to tell if they're really arguing sometimes cause they're laughing and stuff and then they say, "Right, Nicki? Who's right?" And I'm like, "I PLEAD THE FIFTH!"
Thats a long day, right? No wonder I'm so tired!



Today was basically a really good day! Abby and Hayden and me had our playgroup, which was at a park and forest preserve today. Every Monday there is a park playgroup, and then there are some other events as well... for instance, Wednesday we're all going to the Children's Museum! Abby really loves playing with the other kids, and I especially love the outdoor events that involve nature. I find that the longer Abby spends outside in nature, the calmer she is once we get home! She loves walking in the woods and looking for bugs and animals and stuff!
Anyway we did that all morning, then this afternoon we picked up Brandon from school and went to Pepe's for fried ice cream for dessert... and then went home, and when Diana got home we went out for dinner at Burrito Brothers! It was all in honor of Cinco De Mayo, especially because Brandon is half Mexican. We had a really great day!
Back at home we all cleaned up the house and I gave the baby a tubby and put her to bed sort of early because she was really cranky. Now everyone is asleep except for me!
I've been having all sorts of anxiety lately and it seems to get worse at night. I've been coughing a lot but I can go all day without coughing, and then at night I cough like crazy and have trouble breathing and get so nervous! Tonight I even had a real anxiety attack and couldn't breathe! I hate it because my face and hands get all tingly and I get light-headed so I feel like I want to laugh or throw up or both and all my energy goes away.
I don't know why it is but I guess partly because things are changing again... Jimmy isn't staying here any more and I guess he's going to come and get Hayden on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which are the days I don't see her anyway, which also means I won't see Jimmy at all anymore. Its weird because when Diana got pregnant with Hayden, and we figured Jimmy would be around, I thought I would barely see him at all an if anything I would be happy not to get to know him, because I didn't really want any changes or anymore people to get attached to. I figured it would be hella cool having a baby around, and Jimmy would just sort of be a sidenote. And when he ended up living with Diana I was sort of uncomfortable because it was like, weird to see him in this house, and weird to see him mingling with Diana and the kids so closely, and I just wasn't used to it. But then I got used to Jimmy being here and being around and the way things were. And now that he's not going to be around its just like, "Here we go again." Its so weird how people can be part of your everyday life and then just suddenly be gone.
But as for my anxiety its probably other things too, like worrying about figuring things out for school in the fall, getting other responsibilities taken care of, pressure from people everywhere to do everything they think I should be doing, my stupid brain being damaged and my birthday coming up (which I really hate because every year I get a year older and my brain stays the same, and gets more and more embarassing to tell people how old I am because they look at me like, "WTF?")
So thats it... I still feel like I'm not getting enough air and I just keep on coughing and coughing and coughing...
But it was such a fun day, other than this!



Anxiety rising for no apparent reason! Abby home. Abby and Brandon and the baby are watching TV in the other room. I don't know why I'm so nervous but I'm having trouble sitting and all the sounds around me are burning me! I had a soda today but that was my only caffeine, and I've been taking my meds, so I don't know whats wrong. Can't tell Diana right now cause she's upset about Jimmy so she's having anxiety too. So I'm writing it here. Seems to be helping. Calming down. Going back to what I was doing... checking out other blogs. Thanks for listening!


So I promised you an update and its the next day so lets review!
When I last wrote, I was getting Abby's stuff packed because we were going to go to Jimmy's house for the night. But somehow we never ended up going and instead stayed home and watched The Lion King!
Diana went to bed early right after the kids did and I stayed awake until midnight watching a show about Alaska with Jimmy and eating a gyro.
Did you know that gyro meat is actually lamb? I hate the idea of eating lamb! But I was hungry, and it was kinda good. I swear, one of these days I'm going to become a vegetarian again.
This day was sort of bad because Diana and Jimmy were fighting, and Jimmy left to go golfing, and Diana was sad, and we didn't really do anything but I caught up on a lot of my sleep.
Hayden was cranky and crying the whole day. Brandon played outside with Eric most of the day. Tony and his girlfriend picked up Abby and took her out for a while, which made her real happy. They went to the park and she played with some other kids and made a big pile of worms!
Some sort of bug has been biting me and I have little itchy bites all over my legs! Or maybe its just hives. I seem to be having a high-anxiety day today, for some reason.
I wish I could help Diana be happy because I know what it feels like to be sad all the time and not be able to get out of it. I know there's nothing anyone can really do though because its inside you and when you get really sad nothing can take it away, you just have to wait for it to start to go away. I wish I had a plan so I could fix everything. I would make the house look great and make the kids behave great and make all the stressful things go away!


Movies and Other Surprises

Last night was a cool night because Diana's sister came and babysat the kids, so me and Diana got to go out and see a movie. We saw "Baby Mama," which was an awesome and very funny movie! You should definitely go see it if you get the chance! I ate a whole tub of popcorn and two sodas. I had such a stomach ache! But it was worth it! I wish we could go see movies more often!
Jimmy was out at the bar with his friend and he said he was going to stay at his house, so me and Diana were just at home chilling and talking and stuff. Just as we were about to go to bed, we saw someone pull up in the driveway and it was Jimmy! So then we stayed up longer and talked and everyone seemed pretty happy.
This morning Hsyden was all cranky and crying, so I put her on the couch next to me and I was singing songs to her, and she was just watching me and smiling. Then the doorbell rang, and I got up to answer it, and when I got back to the couch, Hayden was fast asleep! I wish I had taken a picture of her before I carried her to bed, because it was so cute, the way she was sleeping sitting up on the couch!
Right now Diana and Jimmy have gone out to run some errands, Hayden is still sleeping, and Abby is doing a jigsaw puzzle. She loves puzzles right now and is actually really good at them... last night she did one with 64 pieces, all by herself!
After they get home, I guess we're going to go to Jimmy's house for the rest of the day and Barbeque, even though its gonna rain!!!!!
I'll update ya later!


Tell Jimmy You're Happy To See Him!

HI everyone! I was trying to blog a little last night while I was at Diana's, but didn't have much interesting to say. It went a little like, "Yeah so Jimmy supposedly is not staying here anymore, Diana went up to the bar to try to talk to him, I'm here watching the kids, they're in bed finally, the end."
The whole evening seemed to crawl along so slowly. I don't even know why! None of the other kids were outside playing except for Abby's little next door friend, and Abby had to come inside early because she had two potty accidents within the same twenty minutes, so both of the big kids were milling around inside, and the baby was cranky, and I was trying to check my email while I simutaneously gave her a bath, but when I got up for a moment to hand her some toys Brandon and Abby stole the computer out from under me, and then the baby was cranky and wanted to get out of the tubby!
Meanwhile, Diana was having no luck up at the bar because Jimmy seemed to be ignoring her. She called me and said, "What time is it?" And I told her it was only 8:25, and the evening was crawling along like molasses for her as well! She was like, "Well call me back when all of the kids are in bed and I'll probably come home."
Finally all of the kids were squared away, and I called Diana, and she said she was still bored and was going to be home in a few minutes.
So half an hour passed and Diana hadn't come home. I figured that had to be a good sign, right? It meant either she was talking with Jimmy, or enjoying herself in some other way!
Sure enough, I woke up at around midnight or so as Diana and Jimmy burst through the door! Diana had had a good time drinking and hanging out with other people at the bar, regardless of the fact that Jimmy was ignoring her, and she had fun, and eventually Jimmy had gone home with her anyway! So Diana burst in saying, "Look, Jimmy's here! Tell Jimmy you're happy to see him! Tell him, come on, tell him, aren't you so happy to see him?"
Diana says me and the kids like Jimmy because we like the stability he brings, with food and no violence and stuff like that. I guess she's right... we are an easily pleased bunch. Bring us McDonalds and make us laugh, and we'll be your friends forever!
Unfortunately its more complicated for boyfriend-girlfriend stuff, huh!