2008-03-13

Aggravated



So dude, check this out. Remember how I was going to bring Trixie over to Diana's when I watched the kids yesterday? Well, I did, and Trixie was the happiest dog in the world all day! She played with Clover all day long, ran in and out of the house, and just had a great time. By the end of the day, you should have seen her! She was an exhausted puppy! I bet it was one of the best days of her life!
Anyway I figured Trixie and I would spend the night over there, and I had planned ahead for this by giving the cat tons of extra food and water and bringing along some food for Trixie.
At about eleven-forty-five at night I get a frantic call from my mom, saying, "Where are you?" When I told her I had Trixie with me and was staying overnight at Diana's, she went all ballistic, saying, "No, you nee to bring the dog home right now and then stay there." She goes on and on about how its HER dog and SHE gets to make the decisions about the dog, how part of my responsibility was to actually be at home and watch the house, and how next time she travels she's going to put the animals in the kennel, make me leave, and change the locks!
Does anyone else think thats just a little odd?
Lets review the facts of this case.
1.) Before my parents left, my mom asked me if I was going to be around, because if I didn't want to stay home alone she would put the animals in the kennel. This kills the theory of my responsibility to actually be at home, because if I had not said I'd stay there at all during the week, the house would have been empty all week.
2.) My mom also told me that if I changed my mind and wanted to stay at Diana's or if I was having trouble getting home often enough to feed and let the dog out, I could put Trixie in the kennel myself. I actually told her that, no, I didn't want to put the dog in the kennel, and that if anything I would just bring her with me to Diana's!
3.) My mom knew for sure that I was planning to bring Trixie with me to Diana's on Wednesday, and that on Friday I was planning to bring the kids here to my mom's house for a while instead. So what is the big whopping deal about the dog not being allowed to spend the night?
4.) When we first got Trixie, my mom didn't want to keep her, her reasoning being that if I got an apartment that didn't allow dogs, she would be stuck with the dog. The general implication at the time was that whenever I moved out, Trixie would be with me. Doesn't that mean she's my dog, at least partly, and I should be able to bring her to a friend's house?
5.) Again, what is the big deal about the dog not being allowed to spend the night somewhere! She's a dog! Its not like she's going to be doing drugs or sneaking out to party or something! She was with me the whole time, and slept at my side!

You know what? I wish I was dead, man. If I had known that I was going to be born with a messed-up brain, and that at the age of 28 my mom would still be as abusive and controlling as she ever was when I was a kid, and that because of my own problems I wouldn't even have the option of living elsewhere and I'd be forced to stick around and be abused for all of eternity... I would have definitely not been born!
I like being at Diana's because even though being with the kids all day can be exhausting, it is definitely the most rewarding "job" I could ever have and I really do miss them whenever I'm not with them. And I like hanging out when Diana and Jimmy come home and being part of a family that actually talks to each other and jokes around and stuff, instead of just being by myself until 7 or 7:30 at my mom's and then spending the evening quietly watching TV. Since I started watching the kids I've actually felt a lot happier than usual because I at least have a reason for living.
Maybe my mom resents that.
I don't know... but I just wish I could stop being me.

2 comments:

~Melissa~ said...

I'm sorry that you have those feelings and that your life can be so frustrating. It sounds like you've found a good job and have a good time with Diana and the kids. I wish that things would be happier across the board for you.

Anonymous said...

Sweetheart....I am so sorry that you are so upset about this. Maybe you should write your mom a letter basically pointing out all of these things in the post.

And try to remember that she was upset. Sometimes people say things they don't mean, or overreact when they are upset.

Either way, the only thing that you can control is the way that YOU deal with the situation and how much you let it effect YOU. If you know you were doing the right thing, and you feel comfortable with the decision, then that is really all that matters. Then your job is to effectively communicate that to your mom.

And I think you need to point out that you were not babysitting and in fact you wanted to hang out. Sometimes I think she gets upset because she thinks you are being taken advantage of.

I love you. We love having you around. But I don't want the situation to negatively effect you or your family or your life. I want you to be happy.

I'm here for you if you need to talk.

-Diana

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