2008-03-31

Hooked Up

Hi everyone! I was getting frustrated because I know my parents are never going to hook up their wifi and for a long time I've been considering getting my own Internet... so I don't have to be dependent on theirs, I can run all of the programs I want to run on my own computer, like the FiestaBar which earns me money just by letting it run ads on my computer while I work!
So today when I took abby and Hayden to the mall for their playgroup, I stopped at one of the kiosks and got a wireless card for my laptop! It is really great... the card itself was actually free, and it plugs right into my UBC port, so its very convenient. The service is $60 per month, though. So, in order to make it worth while, I'm going to have to be earning at least an extra $60 each month via the computer! I think I can do that... check out my newest blog, Angel Needs A Home... Desperately, to see what I'm doing to earn money online!
So now I'm on the Internet at Diana's house!
In other news, Diana's brother John did come back after all, and now Diana and Jimmy and John have gone out to the bar or wherever, and I am watching the kids. Hayden has been asleep for a while now, and Brandon has a friend sleeping over and they are playing in the bedroom, so thats why I have some time to play with my very favorite Internet!!! But actually Abby is still awake. She went to bed but couldn't sleep and said she was hearing scary noises, so I let her come out and lay down on the couch. Hopefully she'll fall asleep! I think she's just not tired though, because she fell asleep earlier in the evening watching TV!
We went to this generic place in the mall that is supposed to be like Build-A-Bear but is a little cheaper. Abby got a blue bear and Hayden got a penguin. I thought it would be an actual activity for the day, but it really only took about five minutes to make the animals! Luckily the playgroup was strategically located in the mall today, so Abby got to play with the kids for a while and Hayden got to crawl around like a maniac!
Hmm, I'm so sleepy, I might go to sleep too!

2008-03-30

Goin' to The Zoo!


I had a pretty cool weekend! Yesterday I went to the zoo with Diana. her sister Sarah, and the kids. It was chillier out than we originally felt like it was, and we only got to stay for a few hours, but we had lots of fun! My favorite part of the zoo is the Children's Zoo with the petting zoo because I love petting animals! One day in life I want to live somewhere where I can have my own personal petting zoo! Except they would be just pets... Pet goats, chickens, ducks, cows, etc! That would be blissful for me! Except for my allergies, I guess...
Diana has a zoo pass so we also get to go into places of the zoo that other people have to pay extra for. They have this indoor Family Zoo that is like a little children's museum with all sorts of things for kids to do and play. I think that is probably every kid's favorite part because they get to run around and touch things and experience things, instead of just walking around and looking!
We also did look at some of the animals that were indoors. We went through the monkey part, which is always lots of fun. You walk around on the bridge thing, and look down into where all the monkeys are living! its like looking at a regular jungle!
We also saw some other random animals like otters and turtles and stuff. I think that was the water section. Its pretty cool too. And while walking to the children's zoo, we saw polar bears and regular bears!
I can't wait until it gets warm out again so we can go for longer times and all the animals will be outside! I want to see the penguins because they're my favorites. And koala bears. And seals. And elephants. And giraffes. And I like the sea world section. I wish I could go to the real sea world!
Anyway it was a wicked cool day for the kids and us. Afterwards, we dropped Brandon and Abby off at their dad's house, and took Sarah back to her mom's house, and we were left with just Hayden! And we got Jimmy John's for dinner. Then we went home and Jimmy brought us chocolate milkshakes from Steak n Shake! Then in the morning Jimmy brought us McDonalds for breakfast! Jimmy likes to bring us food. Pretty much 80% of what I eat in life these days somehow comes from Jimmy. I barely eat at all on the days when I'm at my mom's, but I'm probably getting fat from the days I spend at Diana's!
I hated to come home early today but I had to get some things done. For instance, right now while I am blogging, I should be doing the homework I've been putting off for days! Its due Tuesday! Ugh!
Also last night I couldn't sleep because sometimes I get that way, when I don't take my medicine, I get all jumpy and hyper and can't fall asleep. I was sitting in the kitchen on the rocking chair for an hour or so because at Diana's there is a rocking chair strategically located in the middle of the kitchen kitchen. When I get a house I plan to have a rocking chair in my kitchen too, because I sit in that rocking chair there all the time when I am hyper! You can rock in it and people don't tell you, "Stop rocking!" or ask whats wrong, because you're in a rocking chair! Anyway while I was sitting there John called and said he is coming back to Diana's tonight. So I told Diana and Jimmy but they are not sure he'll come for real.
Then after I was rocking I was reading for a while at the table, then Diana woke up and I watched the Save The Last Dance movie with her until I fell asleep. I am off of my Adderall because I don't have insurance, and just skipped my Celexa because I forgot to pack it for the weekend, so thats why I was so crazy and jumpy! But I feel better now, sort of.
I wish life could always be like this. In my perfect world, everyone I cared about would always be together and be getting along, and nobody would ever go away or get mad.

2008-03-27

Rolling

I was at the dollar store and I saw a bag of those paper things you can put your coins in to make coin rolls, so I thought I'd get one and roll up all my coins! So now I have a bunch of rolled coins, but I don't know what to do with them! Can you spend them? Can I stop at the gas station and buy gas with two rolls of quarters? You should be able to, right? The reason I wanted to roll my coins is because I always have a big bottle I throw my change into, but the bank I go to doesn't have a coin counter, and other banks require you to have an account there in order for them to exchange your coins for you. And I hate dumping my coins in the Coinstar thing at the grocery store, because then they actually keep like twenty percent of your money! How rude is that?
So anyway.
Diana thinks I've been too sad lately and she thinks I should stop spending so much time at her house and spend more time at my mom's house, in order to make peace in my household. But I would hate to do that because, first of all, half the time nobody's here anyway! I would be coming home to an empty house until about nine at night, and then what? Sitting in silence in the basement with them? The weird thing about my mom is she doesn't particularly want me to be here, she just wants me to need to be here.
Anyway, I've got a plan to get enough money to get myself a place to live sometime soon. I made a whole new blog about it! Because, like I said before, I deal with life by organizing my life into blogs. Plus the blog is part of the plan. The blog is going to hold the links to all of my money-making ventures, and will be updated frequently with news and other things. You should definitely check it out!
Also don't forget to visit my blog about watching Abby and Hayden!
Okay, that'll keep you busy for a while!

2008-03-25

A Short History Of Life

Uh yeah, second post today, gotta unwind after that long ride home from school!
Anyway, lately I've been working on writing my life story. Everyone always says I should write my life story because I've lived through a lot of stuff, but it is way easier to talk about it than to write about it, I've found. Oh well, I'm sure someday it will make me rich and famous, right?
When I was in my Characteristics of Children With Disabilities class, the teacher was talking about kids with emotional disturbances or behavior disorders. He said that one thing about kids like that is they're either pushing you away, or being stuck on you like white on rice. While working on my life story, I realized that describes me to a tee! Since I was a young kid, I've had a habit of getting attached to people, which has gotten me in some really bad scrapes as I got older.
Lets review.

(When I was a kid, there were countless adult neighbors and teachers and random relatives I got attached to! Luckily for me, all of these people were kind and harmless people, so I was generally safe... except for one neighbor dude who kept asking me to climb in through his bedroom window at night and get into his bed! Ugh.
Then there was David and Pat, two homeless people who befriended me while I was in high school. Actually there was an entire group of homeless people I hung out with, and they were all very nice to me at all times, but David and Pat were the nicest. When they got a car, they used to pick me up after school every single day and take me to fun places. Well, often those fun places happened to be bars, where I would amuse myself by playing pinball and drinking hundreds of Pepsis while David got drunk as a skunk and Pat hit on him, but still, their thoughts were in the right place I suppose! We also went to regular places like parks and bowling alleys and what-not. David and Pat gave me tons of attention, and I loved to pretend they were my parents! Even to my own self, I would pretend that... it was like my secret life. I had to go home to my regular parents, who were distant and often angry, but I pretended they were just my fake parents, and my real parents were the two people who were always happy to see me and spend time with me!
Anyway, eventually I decided to move with them to Colorado. I was still a teenager, and technically I was running away from home, but my mom had threatened to kick me out so many times, I figured I might as well just go.
Things quickly got sour in Colorado. David turned out to be psycho... Apparently the kind, fatherly front he had put on for the past several years was just his way of hiding the fact that he wanted to jump my bones... something he did almost on a nightly basis from then on! Let it be known that I did NOT want to be David's girlfriend! All I wanted was to be a kid, in a family that cared about me! Not a kid having sex with a forty-year-old! But still, I stayed with David for several months. I was desperately NOT willing to go back to my regular parents. I kept hoping that somehow I could convince David to go back to the way things had been before, with him being my father-figure and me not having to sleep with my shoes on every night in order to be ready for a quick getaway if he got too fresh! And when David didn't change, and I started to realize things were never going to be different, I started plotting to run away from him... but I was never going to go home! My plan was just to find a new family! (Even though Pat was a woman and obviously she never did anything physically to me, I still think she was wrong because she must have knew what was going on, and she ignored it, and eventually took off forever and left me alone with David!)
At one point I thought about killing David the next time he came after me. I hid a large rock under the couch cushion (we were staying in an apartment and I slept on the couch) and the next time he came near me in the night I was going to grab the rock and smash it down on his head! I would throw the rock in the river, and take off, and nobody would ever be able to figure it out!
Luckily, I then met Roy, a neighbor at the apartments. He found me sitting outside the building bawling my eyes out one day, and tried to ask me what was wrong, but all I could do was cry! Finally he invited me to come over to his apartment to chill out for a while, promising he'd have the door open so I wouldn't be afraid of him. When I told him, "No, keep the door closed!" he must have figured something was wrong, but didn't ask any questions, and just brought me back to his apartment and hid me from David for several days. Roy never did anything bad to me at all, and I got attached to him really quickly, because I saw him as my rescuer!
The other person I got attached to very quickly was Evelyn, the landlady at the apartment building. I used to hang out with her daughter, who was my age, and I had once confided to her daughter about the things David did. I had sworn the girl to secrecy. But when she found out that I was secretly living with Roy and that David was 0searching for me, she broke her promise and told her mom, because she was afraid I would end up dead somehow in this deal! Evelyn called the cops anonymously. Then she came to Roy's apartment and sat with me, holding my hand and praying for me, as the cops coaxed my story (well, parts of it anyway) out of me. That night Evelyn had me come into her house, which was attached to the apartment building, and sleep in her younger son's bunk bed. She told me I could live with her forever. Unfortunately, the cops came back in the middle of the night to take me to a different foster home, because David had bonded out of jail and was probably coming back to the apartment building to look for me! Evelyn and I were both crying as the cops took me away. They bribed me with a chocolate bar and a Pepsi.
Shortly thereafter, I got sent back to Illinois. I tried hard to stay in Colorado in their foster care system, but my parents convinced the cops to send me back to Illinois, and off I went to a psych hospital in Illinois, to be locked up until the doctors could drug some sense into me!
Next there was Jason, who was two years older than me and who was my best friend in Illinois. Jason said that he was deeply in love with me, but since memories of David still danced in my head, I was not enthusiastic about having any sort of boyfriend! Jason said that was OK, because he loved me so much he'd wait for me forever. Then one night he bought me my favorite kind of donut (apple-spice) and put some tranquilizers in it. Just in case that didn't do the trick, once I'd finished the donut and was feeling good and spacey, he told me he'd never be my friend again if I didn't swallow the handful of pills he was pushing towards me! At first I didn't want to, because he was giving me Mountain Dew to wash the pills down with instead of Dr. Pepper, but when he kept threatening to walk away forever and possibly kill himself, I calmed him down by swallowing the pills! You can probably guess what happened next... my own memories are pretty hazy, although I do remember hallucinating a giant squirrel climbing a tree, and also tipping over and falling flat on my face in a parking lot somewhere.
After that, I still stayed friends with Jason! We were both homeless at the time, living in Jason's car, and you guessed it, I figured if I just stuck around things would go back to the way they used to be, when Jason had truly acted like my best friend!
Next James came along, with his girlfriend Chris. Jason and me met James at the shelter, where he gave me his pager number and told me to page him if I ever needed help. He thought of himself as some sort of homeless shelter super hero! I actually did page him for help all the time... when our car broke down, when Jason was threatening to kill himself, and plenty of other times! Jason and I hung out with James and Chris and our other friend Erick all the time, and I was glad when they were around because it meant I wasn't alone with Jason, and also Jason acted more like his normal self when he was around friends! Anyway Jason must have bragged to James and Erick about what he'd done, because soon Jason had disappeared, and I was "living" with James and Chris in their van!
James and Chris were always nice to me, and they said we'd be just like a family. Chris was pregnant, and she and James were planning to get an apartment, and Chris started referring to the unborn baby as my new little brother or sister! They weren't even that much older than me, but I seemed a lot younger because of my brain problems. I think it was Chris's idea, mostly, to have me live with them. They were the best, though... for a long time! Then they got back into doing coke and crack, started fighting all the time and stealing and things like that. They used to drop me off at the library or somewhere and say they were going to Chicago really quick and would be back in a minute... and they'd come back a week later, with no explanation!
One day I was with Chris's sister Vicky, who was also homeless for some reason. I was hanging out with Vicky and her boyfriend because James and Chris had disappeared somewhere again. I was constantly asking Vicky when James and Chris would be back, so after a few days when we stopped at a gas station Vicky gave me some change and told me to go page James from the payphone. I stood by the pay phone and waited for James to call back. To my surprise, I actually saw James's van drive past the gas station as I was waiting! A few minutes later he called me back on the payphone, and told me the reason he hadn't come to get me was because the van had broken down in Chicago.
"But I just saw you drive past!" I choked, as my heart broke in a million pieces.
James hung up.
I ran back out by Vicky and told her what had happened. She and her boyfriend got pissed off at James and Chris for lying to me and tricking me, and they actually found James's van parked in a parking lot near by and went and got in a fight with James and Chris, until the cops showed up!
After that I lived for a very short while with "Coach," a lady James and Chris and Erick and Jason had met a while ago. She had a house but she always hung out with all of the homeless people. Coach had always been suggesting that I come stay with her, since she had a house and everything, but I had always refused because I wanted to stay with Chris and James. This time, since Chris and James were gone, I agreed to stay with Coach! It wasn't much different from being homeless though. She hung out with the homeless people, and we spent more time sleeping in hotels and shelters than at her actual house!
One week, though, I had a really great time at Coach's house. She was dating this dude named Tom, and he had sort of moved in with Coach and me. He wasn't homeless, but for some reason we had met him at a motel where we'd stayed for a while. A dude named Cherokee and his girlfriend Mary were also staying at Coach's house with us, having somehow followed us home from the motel as well! It was like a house party! I hung around with whatever adults were awake and sober at any given moment, and had a lot of fun. Over the weekend, Tom's 12-year-old daughter Jessica came over as well, and I spent the weekend watching movies and playing board games with her. Mary cooked us some really, really good macaroni and cheese, in which she tossed all sorts of random things like beans and ketchup and who knows what else. It was so much fun! By the end of the week, Tom and Coach were planning on getting married, buying a house, and having both me and Jessica live with him!
On Sunday night Coach said she was going to drop Mary and Cherokee off in town so they could go back to the shelter. I asked if I could go along, to say goodbye to them! Coach agreed. We took them to the train station, and I got out to say goodbye to Mary and Cherokee, and Coach drove away!!! I cried and cried, feeling totally ditched, especially because I had never said goodbye to Tom and Jessica. And especially because I had left all of my things... including my treasured teddybear Chumba... at Coach's house! I ended up going to the shelter with Cherokee and Mary.
Coach came back for me the next day, saying she had just needed a "break." When we went back to her house, Tom and Jessica were both gone.
Then Coach started dating this dude named Cliff, who was homeless, and suddenly we were back staying in the motels again! Vicky and her boyfriend were with us too, along with Vicky's other sister, Karen, were also there with us, along with Karen's boyfriend Nick. One day Vicky went somewhere with her boyfriend, and Coach and Karen said they were going to go run an errand really quick. They dropped me, Cliff and Nick off at McDonalds to wait for them, promising they'd be back in an hour. We never saw them again until two days later!
That two days was the time in which I got really attached to Nick. At first I hadn't liked him at all. I'd heard bad things about him, and he was always noisy and sort of show-offy. The only reason I even tolerated his presence, at first, was because he had been friends with Tony, who had been my best friend when I'd stayed with James and Chris. Tony had also stayed with us then for a while, but then he'd gone off to hang out with some other people, and one night he'd gotten arrested for stealing a car. He was in jail now, and I missed Tony like hell! I had always referred to Tony as my little brother. When I'd first met Nick, Nick told me that he and Tony called each other brothers, and that meant that I was Nick's sister as well! Thats how that got started, and I figured I had to at least give him a chance because he was Tony's friend, and so being around Nick was sort of like being around Tony!
Soon it became clear that Coach wasn't coming back, and I was living with Nick and Cliff. Cliff had started dating Vicky, who had broken up with her boyfriend. In our world, people were dating one person one minute, and another person the next minute! Because we all lived together, "Dating" basically meant "having sex with." A few days ago, Coach and Cliff had been dating, and Vicky and her boyfriend had been dating. Now Coach and the boyfriend were gone, and Vicky and Cliff were dating! Oh yeah, and Karen had been dating a guy named Ray, but now Ray was gone, and Karen and Nick were dating. Yeah, I know, weird, right?
I lived with that group of people: Cliff, Vicky, Nick and Karen... for a long stretch of time. Mostly Nick and Cliff worked during the day, so I was with Vicky and Karen, who were like my best friends during that time. Until one night when Cliff and Nick got in a fight over crack, and Vicky kicked Nick out, and then unexplicably kicked me out as well!
So then I was on my own. I moved on my own to DuPage County to try to get into the youth shelter there, which I did get into after a few months of living alone on the streets! Nick was living in Chicago at the time, and he'd come out to visit me once in a while, on the weekends. On those weekends I would get so excited and I would tell everyone, my big brother is coming! My big brother is coming! I'd go to the train station to wait for him, and he'd spend the whole weekend with me, and I'd just soak him in and enjoy every second of that time. He was really really really nice to me during those visits.
But then somehow he got kicked out of where he was living in Chicago, and came to DuPage County to be homeless. DuPage is a great county to be homeless in, by the way. At least, it was back then! The problems started when I was around Nick every single day, because he was no longer on his best behavior for our weekend visits! When I'd lived with him before along with the others, I'd seen him at his drunkest, but he'd always, always been nice to me even when drunk. For some reason, now, things were different. One minute he could be really nice, and the next minute he'd literally be shaking me down for money! Nick started dating Diana, who you may recognize from this blog. Its the same Diana! Anyway, as is customary for homeless people, for Nick "Dating" meant "Living with", especially since Diana had an apartment! I used to spend weekends with them, on pass from the youth shelter, and then eventually I moved in with them. Nick had turned into mega-asshole, and he was always punching and hitting Diana and generally being a menace to society.
But I STILL HUNG OUT WITH HIM BECAUSE I THOUGHT, EVENTUALLY, THINGS WOULD CHANGE AND HE WOULD GO BACK TO THE SAME AWESOME BIG BROTHER I USED TO HAVE!
Because of Nick, Diana ended up getting evicted from her apartment, and we all parted ways. Nick and I both ended up homeless again. Well actually I think Nick was in jail, but its all the same really. Diana helped me get an apartment right across from the new apartment she got. So then I had my own studio apartment, and things were going well for a while...
but then Tony paroled out of jail, and moved in with me unexpectedly! He never really asked to. He just sort of descended upon me. Tony and me lived together for quite a while, and we had some good times, except for when Tony started doing heroine again and kept on inviting random people off the streets to live with us. For a while Nick came and lived with us too, and then there was Tony's sister, but mostly the people who lived with us were completely random! I do not know where he found them! Oh yeah and then he started dealing drugs out of my apartment, which was a joy to find out about from the cops! I started flushing all those little red and blue bags down the toilet, but Tony didn't even get mad, so I guess they must have been empty! Tony is one of the few people in this story who is still in my life. You may recognize him as the person who called up and threatened to kill me and everyone else the other night. Same person!
Another person who I got very attached to was Jay Folker. He was another one of the random people who Tony let move in with us off the streets! I got attached to Jay Folker because he was always nice to me and would spend lots of time talking to me, telling me stories about all of his adventures he had as a semi truck driver and how he used to go surfing all the time when he lived in Florida and stuff like that. Plus he was never violent when drunk, and I never saw him smoke rock or do any drugs other than weed. On the day that I got evicted, Jay stole all of my antidepressant pills and swallowed them, then stole my mom's purse.
After that I guess I didn't get attached to too many more people. I went to AmeriCorps, and when I came back I was homeless again, living with Nick. Oh yeah, do you want to know how the story of Nick ended up? The last day that I lived with him, he spent the day trying to strangle me, literally, because I didn't have any money to give him and he thought I was hiding it from him. He wanted to buy crack. The next day I woke up and saw him crying and saying he was sorry, and he was leaving to go buy more crack, and he got arrested on the way there. I have seen him since then, but that was the last time I ever lived with him. I guess a person has to literally beat the crap out of me and try to kill me before I stop being attached to them, right?
And I lived with a lot of people... Shorty (who was a girl, by the way) and Doris and all sorts of random others. But I don't think I got attached to them. Maybe Felix, a little bit, and Ricky Ho, and Nutty, but mostly I tried not to, because I've learned my lesson.
Except for Diana, who is the only person among all of these who I've actually known and seen on a regular basis for the whole entire time! Weird, isn't it? I guess I'm used to getting attached to people, but I never knew anyone but her who got attached to me long enough to stick around for all that time!
I guess she's just crazy???
The moral of this story is: You're better off getting hit and punched and beat on. Why? Because when someone is being nice to you, you get attached to them, and then when they start being mean to you, or when they ditch you at McDonalds or somewhere, it breaks your heart. But if they're mean to you the whole time, then when they leave, it doesn't make you so sad.
THE END
(For more cheerful subject matter, be sure to visit my other blog at Adventures Of A Stay-At-Home Auntie!)

Ack

Hi! I am home right now spending a few minutes on the computer before I leave to go to school! Bleh! I really only have a month left of school, I guess, but its really driving me crazy. Actually only one class is driving me absolutely out of my mind: Public School Curriculum. The other classes are okay, but this one class is completely group work, all the time, nothing but group work and projects. Way too overwhelming! Ugh!
Anyway I watched the kids yesterday and we went to Morton Arbortoreum, which was pretty cool because they have a children's garden that Abby liked a lot. I think it would be way cooler to go there in the summer though because they have a lot of fountains and stuff, and they actually have a "secret" river that you can get in and splash around in! It would be cool to go there in the summer and bring Brandon and spend a longer time... We really just spent an hour or so there because it was sort of cold. Plus the whole reason we went there was because the website said there would be tons of bird activities and crafts and stuff, so we sort of had a bird "theme" for the day in the morning, but when we got there there was no bird stuff! Just some sort of puzzle with owl pellets! Oh well.
Then we went home and had an alarmingly huge dinner which was chicken, macaroni and cheese, broccoli, stuffing, garlic bread, and Green River pop. Then I fell asleep and actually slept all the way until 7:30 in the morning!!!!! So it was an uneventful evening but I feel good today!
Also yesterday Hayden fell asleep in the car on the way home from the Arbortoreum, so when we got home I just carried her home and laid her down in her bed. Then after Diana got home the baby woke up and Diana went and got her and brought her out, and Hayden saw me and she waved at me! All by herself, without anyone saying, "Say hi!" or anything like that! She just looked at me and waved! She's a very smart baby.

Okay I gotta go to school now. Triple BLEH!

2008-03-23

Really Fun Easter!!!

Hi everyone! I hope you all had a great Easter! I did!
The holiday started out sort of shaky, though. Last night after the kids went to bed, I stayed with them while Diana and Jimmy went out to do some final Easter shopping and stuff. While they were gone, Anthony, my fake little brother, called on the house phone. I answered it and started out having a pretty normal conversation with him... at least, as far as conversations with Anthony go! He was depressed about life and angry that he was not going to be able to see the kids for Easter (because he'd waited until the last minute to try to make plans, and the time he wanted would have taken the kids away from their already-planned Easter gathering with Diana's family, and Anthony didn't want to compromise in any way!) He was also upset because he's probably going to jail for about fifty different reasons, all of which were pretty much blatantly his own dumb fault. But all that is pretty normal for him, so the conversation started out mostly casual, part of which included him begging me to change the channel to Spike so he could show me the Women's Wrestling match he was watching. (Fascinating stuff...) Then somehow the conversation took a bad turn as he started talking about how angry he was at Diana, and how his kids didn't love him anymore, etc, etc, etc. Soon, he started talking about how he would like to kill Diana, and then he started talking about a specific plan, how he would hide in the crawlspace at night and then climb out and slit Diana's and Jimmy's throats, then go into Abby and Brandon's room and slit their throats to, and unfortunately for me he would slit my throat too because I would be a witness. He kept going on and on about this, even saying how perfect it would be that we would all die on Easter.
I was listening and pretending to be casual about it, like I thought he was just venting, like, "Hmm, that would suck. So what else is new?" but he kept going back to his plan to kill us all and kept describing it in graphic detail.
I knew Tony was probably just being a punk and trying to scare me, but on the other hand, there were two things to think about. For one, you often do hear about people killing their entire families, and it often happens on holidays. For another, Anthony actually has gotten into the house through the crawlspace before, right after he first split up with Diana.
So I was starting to panic but just kept talking to Tony, figuring as long as he was on the phone talking to me he wouldn't be on his way over to kill us, and besides, maybe I could gradually just let him get all that crazy talk out of his system and end the conversation on a better note. Meanwhile, I was frantically text messaging Jimmy from my cellphone, with a message like, "Anthony's gonna kill us all tonight, please come home!"
Finally Tony abruptly ended the conversation, saying he was going to get ready to come over and kill us all and he'd be there in about an hour. I was like, "Alright, Anthony, see ya later!" Then I hung up and frantically tried calling Jimmy on the house phone.
Diana answered Jimmy's phone and told me don't worry, Tony's just bluffing, which I already sort of figured, but its still scary. Because it could happen, and he's very unpredictable, and the way he's been acting lately doesn't show a lot of love for his kids. If he worked himself up enough, I have no doubt that he could show up at the house with a knife, even just to try and scare us. And although if it was me alone I could probably deal with it by either just leaving the house, or trying to talk Tony down when he got there, being alone in the house with three sleeping kids and a death threat over my head was a little more than I could deal with at the moment!
So Diana and Jimmy came homeright away, and Diana called Anthony and warned him that just by making calls like that to us he was violating his order of protection and could go to jail. Then everything was better for the rest of the night. Anthony kept calling and calling, and even tried calling Brandon's cellphone (Calling an 11-year-old kid at midnight, while drunk, to talk about homicidal plans, shows the kind of person Anthony is!) Diana just kept hanging up on him. And he never did come kill us, so that was good!
Meanwhile we got all the Easter baskets put together and hid them, hid the eggs, and did everything like that. We went to sleep, and woke up alive, on Easter morning, all in one piece!
The rest of the day was awesome! The kids all found their Easter baskets and hunted for eggs, and then we went to church, and after that we went to Diana's mom's house for Easter lunch. (I had planned on just going home on Easter morning, even though I was going to blow off my own family's Easter gathering, but then Diana's mom invited me to her house, so I went there!) I had a good time at Diana's mom's house. Even though they still think I'm horribly nervous half the time, my most nervous state there is way, way less nervous than my normal state at home or around my own family gatherings! At Diana's mom's house we just sat down and had a casual lunch, then hung around and watched a comedian on TV and talked and stuff. The day went really fast, and all the kids had fun, and it was totally cool! Also, Jimmy brought flowers for Diana, for Diana's mom, and for me! Mine had an Easter bunny's head on a stick.
Now it is evening and I have come back to my mom's house. The only reason I really even bother coming back here is for Trixie and Sammy-Joe, my cat and dog. And my dad, I guess. My mom makes it so obvious how she feels about me. I mean, they barely talk to me when I come in the door! Barely at all! Not even like they're mad... just like, they really don't care whether I'm there or not, like I'm invisible, like I'm nothing.
You know what really pisses me off, though? I had some photos of Brandon, Abby and Hayden on the refrigerator door. One was a Christmas Diana had sent this past Christmas with all of the kids on Santa's lap, and the other was Abby's preschool picture from last year. They've been up there for a while. And my mom took them off the fridge and put them at the bottom of the stairs for me to take up to my room!
I asked my mom about it, and she said it was just cause she was cleaning everything off the fridge. But I looked and noticed that all of my cousins' pictures were still up, including new ones! When I pointed this out, my mom said, "Well, those kids are my nephews and nieces."
"But its supposed to be my fridge too, right?" I said.
My mom said, "Uh, no, its not, its mine!"
I mean, WTF? Its a power trip. Its a head trip. Its abuse. It goes on and on. Just stupid little things to let me know that I'm not wanted.
Like the other day I was drinking a soda and I started to get full, so I put it in the fridge to save for later. And my mom opened the fridge and said, "Whose pop is this?" and when I said it was mine, she took it out and threw it in the garbage.
I mean, WTF? Thats all I can say.
I swear, every time I walk into this house I want to kill myself. Diana and Jimmy and the kids are just getting me through the days, cause if it wasn't for them, and my pets, I'd have nobody.
I swear, I don't know what is going on with my mom... if she's pissed off that I'm spending so much time at Diana's, or what... but I gotta get out of here somehow.

At any rate, other than having my lives and the lives of everyone close to me threatened, and my mom being a bitch, the middle part of my Easter weekend was awesome! Diana, if you're reading this, thanks for always including me and giving me the chance to be part of a somewhat normal family!

Here's a couple of Easter pics...


Brandon, the goth, painting his nails black for Easter cheer! ;)


Abby and Hayden playing together in their matching Easter outfits!

Also, don't forget to check out my other blog, Adventures of a Stay-At-Home Auntie, for some pictures of the cool Easter eggs we made! (And please click my ads!)

2008-03-22

Who Am I And Where Do I Go?

Tomorrow is Easter, as you may have noticed! In my life, holidays always bring up complications and issues because I'm never quite sure where I belong.
On one hand, I have my psuedo-adoptive family, with Diana and the kids and Jimmy and whoever else happens to be lingering around.
On the other hand, I have my birth family, with my aunts and uncles and grandparents and little cousins and what-not.
Here's where the complication arises...
When I was younger I really had a horrid relationship with my parents, and I didn't live with them or see them very much or anything like that. I ended up living with Diana and Brandon (who was just a baby then) when I met them. Diana's family sort of included me into their own family, I guess because I was just always around! So, that was about ten years ago, I guess. I used to spend all of my holidays either with Diana's family or Tony's family, just to avoid going with my birth family.
Now my relationship with my birth family is better, but still a little strained! I now have three little cousins I'm pretty close to. But there's a huge difference between my relationship with my little cousins, and my relationship with Diana's kids!
With Brandon, Abby and Hayden, they're really a huge part of my life. In Diana's house I'm more of a behind-the-scenes person... like at their birthday parties I would usually be helping set things up, driving the kids and their friends to the party site, etc. Or, like, on Christmas, I am usually there on Christmas Eve to help the kids set out a snack and write a letter to Santa Claus, then helping to get all the presents wrapped and hidden under the tree, and there on Christmas morning when they wake up. And Easter, I'd be one of the people dying eggs with the kids, helping hide the eggs, watching them hunt for their baskets, and all that. Its like I'm actually part of the family there.
Whereas, with my little cousins, I have more of a "traditional" auntie roll, at least traditional for my family. (I say "auntie" role cause my cousins are so much younger than me, and usually you think of cousins as being nearly the same age! My cousins are all at least twenty-two years younger than me!) My cousins love me, especially Kaylie and Luke, but for them I'm more of an occasional visitor who comes to play with them for a few hours or who sees them at holiday gatherings.
My birth family has really thick boundaries among them. Every individual household is a separate family, with its own separate business, and there isn't a lot of mingling. When I was very little I spent a lot of time at my Nona's house, and my aunt and uncle lived there too, so I was sort of a comfortable part of that household... but as I got older it became clear how thick the boundaries were. When I was having problems at home, I never felt comfortable to talk to my other family members... even my grandparents and young aunt and uncle who I adored... about what was going on. The few times I tried, I was literally ignored or pushed away! My brother and I would have never dared to misbehave in any way when we were with any of our family members. We had to be on our best behavior at all times. Its like the individual households were just acquaintances, or former classmates meeting up every so often to catch up, or something. There has never been a comfort level there. As I got older, the more I started realizing this, the more anxious I got from being around my family members! To this day, I hate family gatherings... because I really have no place in the family! I'm just a visitor, everywhere I go,
What I'm trying to say is, I really don't want to go to the Easter party with my birth family tomorrow. But if I stayed with Diana's family, my birth family would be kind of pissed off. So what I think I will do is just stay home by myself and do nothing. It might be nice to have a day with the computer all to myself, huh?

I know this is the type of rambling blog entry nobody ever really reads all the way through... but if you did, then, thanks! Good Work!
Happy Easter!










2008-03-20

The Day That Kinda Sucked!


So, this day kinda sucked, man! I was supposed to go to my little cousin's school to read a story to her class, which was her special thing for being Star Student for the week! That was all good and I was excited to do it. But I wasn't planning to stay long, because I needed to come back here and spend some time catching up on stuff and playing with my animals!
Anyway my aunt lives about an hour away and I left on time, but there was a police road block and I had to get detoured, and I never was able to find my way back to the right road! I kept ending up in circles. It didn't help that the road I was supposed to be on, Route 83, branches off a thousand times into different Route 83's, so even when I thought I got back on Route 83, I wasn't on the right one! Finally I called my aunt and she Mapquested my way to her house, but I was really late by then.
So I read the story to the kids, and it went well. It only took about fifteen minutes! I then went out to lunch with my aunt and my younger cousin who doesn't go to school yet, and after that I headed home. But because of getting lost, I was nearly out of gas! So I stopped for gas, but I couldn't get my stupid gas tank open! Its the kind with the lever inside the car. I yanked and yanked and yanked and couldn't get the door to pop open! So I had to drive home on fumes, hoping I wouldn't run out of gas!
I got it fixed though. I stopped at the Shell station by my work and the guy did some random thing to it and it seemed to work after that.
So then I came home but it was already 3:00 and I've been trying to catch up on everything ever since then!
Plus I'm REALLY tired today because I was having a horrid time sleeping last night! Even though I was tired, I couldn't stop moving! I couldn't stop moving for anything! It was like that Restless Leg Syndrome, except mine would have been Restless Entire Body Syndrome! My mind kept swirling around like crazy and I kept tossing and turning in an extreme fashion, like completely flipflopping from one end of the couch to the other! I felt like I could have gone outside and run around the block forty times, except my brain was actually so tired! I was actually trying to fall asleep sitting up and leaning forward with my head on my knees, because that was the only way I could hold still for five minutes! Somehow I fell asleep though. I have no idea how. Some little voice just told me to sit down and try to pay attention to the TV. It was some crappy TV show, which I guess I could have switched because everyone else was sleeping, but my brain didn't even think of it, so I just sat there trying to pay attention to the show, and the next thing I knew, it was morning and I had been asleep!

I have been staying at Diana's or Jimmy's house most of the time lately, even on the nights when I didn't watch the kids. I slept there on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights. I am sleeping here tonight but I will probably spend the day there tomorrow and maybe sleep there, then I don't know what I will do on Saturday but I should probably try to do something useful, and then usually on the night before Easter I stay there also.
John went home to Michigan but he says he's coming back in ten days. He swore he was coming back but you know how it is. And Diana and Jimmy aren't getting along so well as of late.
My main problem is I get attached to people pretty fast even when I try not to. Then they leave. Or they go crazy and become menaces to society. Its always one or the other, somehow, isn't it?

2008-03-18

How The Internet Tricks Me Every Time!


Well, I learned something today. I always thought that dogs, uh, laid eggs! Wait, no, thats not what I learned, thats what Peter learned on Family Guy! What I learned is that when you write something in your blog at night, even if you feel really bad about it in the morning and hurriedly log onto the Internet to delete the whole post and pretend it never happened, and even if you fall back asleep thinking to yourself, "Well, thank God I deleted that and avoided unnecessary bad feelings," be warned that the said blog entry will still end up in people's Google Readers, and they will read what you wrote in your time of emotional upheaval!
At any rate, I had a pretty good day yesterday. I watched Abby and Hayden all day, and you can read more about that at my blog called Adventures of a Stay-At-Home Auntie. You should definitely check out that blog today because it contains photos, some taken by Abby herself! It turns out she's a pretty good photographer, once I do some editing with the lighting and stuff! I mean it... she's got a good eye! Kids these days...
Anyway. As the story I wrote in the deleted blog entry goes, in the morning after Diana went to work and Brandon went to school, Jimmy and John were still lingering around, and Jimmy said that we were probably all going to go out that night, with the kids and everything, to do something for St. Patrick's Day. Then later he said they were just going to stay over at his house for a few days (Jimmy still owns and maintains a condo that he lived in before moving in with Diana and them) and wanted to know if, after Brandon got home from school, I could just bring all the kids and the dog over to his house. So after Brandon came home, we all went over there, and things went pretty well, except it turned out that between Jimmy and me we had forgotten to bring half of everything we needed, such as pajamas for Brandon, bottles for Hayden, and Hayden's car seat! (She sat in my car seat when I drove her there, but I left Diana's car seat at home!) Jimmy made dinner which was meatloaf, green potatoes, green beans, biscuits, and Green River soda. Green River is great soda, I never had it before today, but it is really good!
So after that Jimmy went back to get the bottle for Hayden, while I fed her some cereal and baby food bananas, which she gulped down alarmingly fast. I swear it took her like two minutes to eat it! I have never seen her eat that fast in my entire life! Usually it seems to take me like five hours to get her to eat because she is highly distractable. But this time she was like a little bird with her mouth open waiting for me to shovel the food in!
So when Jimmy came back with the bottle suddenly he was like, "Okay, bye!" and he and John totally hauled ass out the door! Which left me a little confused and alarmed. And you know how I have a tendency towards depression problems, so for some reason when everyone left, and I was alone with the kids again, and two thirds of them were attempting to kill each other, I started feeling all sad. And I did what I always do when I feel sad or nervous or any other thing... I began to blog! Blogging helps me sort my brain into nice, neat categories instead of having my thoughts bouncing all over the place and getting out of control.
The only bad thing was, in order to blog, I had to stick Hayden in her bouncy seat. You see, she knows how to crawl now. Thats totally cool, but the problem with crawling babies is, they seem to have a death wish! They're always trying to crawl up the stairs, or stand up and walk even though they don't know how, or hitting their heads on glass tables, or eating random objects off the floor. So I had to contain her for a few minutes... I pulled the bouncy seat right up next to me, which had worked fine while I was eating dinner earlier, but this time she wasn't really happy. She didn't cry or nothing... she just stared forlornly at me, like, "WTF, Neenee?"
(By the way, I swear she's been trying to say Neenee lately, but only when she's very pissed off at me, like when I change her diaper or put her in her snow suit, or the other day when I was attempting to adjust the straps of her car seat with her actually in it! She cries, "Neeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Thats the only time I ever hear her saying that sound, so thats why I think she's trying to say my name!)
After blogging I felt better and I managed to get everyone into bed safely, despite the fact that both of the older kids lacked underwear!
Shortly thereafter, Diana and Jimmy and John all came home and everything was fine and everyone was happy and I was having fun. Then I started feeling dumb about everything I had written, so as soon as I could in the morning, I deleted it. Too bad it didn't work! Damn Google Reader!
Then after they left I slept till about eleven, then hung out till about one, and now I am home trying to get a few things done. This is another day that has gotten away from me!
OK so thats that. Remember to go check out Adventures of a Stay At Home Auntie! Right now!

2008-03-17

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!



St. Patricks Day Animations


2008-03-15

This Day Has Swallowed Me Up!

I don't know why but I feel like this day disappeared somewhere into the deep, dark, unknown. I had such great plans for today! I was going to get up and take my dog to the doggy playgroup that I've been promising her we'd go to, and then I was going to go hang out at Diana's!
Instead, I ended up sleeping in late, and then waking up disorientedly when someone came knocking at my front door to give me an invitation to the second coming of Christ. (Wouldn't want to miss that!) Spent most of the day doing my laundry, which actually requires me to stay in the basement so I can monitor the washing machine, which tends to start thumping and can end up halfway across the room. Then somehow, I don't know how, I fell asleep and slept for four hours! I really have no knowledge of how that happened... and when I woke up, I thought it was the next morning! But it was really night time. Ugh... so much for this day!
Anyway. So remember my mom was going all ballistic the other day because I spent the night at Diana's, with Trixie?
First of all, yesterday during the day my aunt called me to talk about an unrelated topic... my little cousin is Star Student at school next week and she wants me to come into her classroom to read a story to her class!!! I ended up telling my aunt about the incident with my mom, and she actually was shocked and alarmed! It was the part about my mom threatening to change the locks that really freaked out my aunt. My mom and my aunt have always been really close, so even though I have been trying to tell my aunt about my mom since I was a little kid, she's never really believed me. She would say, "No! Not your mom! Your mom wouldn't do that!" My mom is actually 15 years older than my aunt, opposed to my aunt being 8 years older than me, so my mom is almost a mother-figure to my aunt and my aunt never wanted to hear anything bad about her. But this time she believed me and she was like, "Seriously? Your mom is like that? I never would have thought! I'm so sorry for you!" She asked if my dad was like that too, and she actually seemed concerned. It was like a breath of fresh air to have someone in my family actually acknowledge it! All my life, my mom has managed to turn things around to make people (including myself!) believe that I was mentally unstable and had such horrid behavior. Nobody ever thought to wonder if perhaps there was a reason I acted the way I did. They all just wanted to believe my mom. I was so happy that this time my aunt really listened to me... but I'm still nervous because if my aunt mentions it to my mom, I'm sure my mom will tell "her" side of the story and make it seem like I did something horribly, horribly wrong!
Also, today I broke down and actually called my mom on her cellphone. Usually when she's out of town she calls me every single day to see how things are, but this time she hadn't called me at all since she had freaked out on me over the phone. I had been afraid to call her because I could imagine her doing what she sometimes does when she is mad, which is answering the phone but refusing to talk. Today I guess I got brave. And the bizarre thing was, she acted like nothing had happened! She was extremely cheerful! Its possible that they were in a public place, though, and that she just didn't want to start arguing over the phone. I don't know. She keeps me on a constant roller coaster!
I have to get out of this house somehow. I am starting to definitely realize that this isn't good for me. This morning I was feeling so aggravated and hopeless that I was practically suicidal... but luckily my ADHD kicked in to get my mind spinning. The good thing about my ADHD is, when things get bad, my brain starts whirling around trying to find a way out. After an hour or so of wanting to kill myself, I started thinking, "I know the Internet can somehow get me out of this jam!"

The problem is, even back in the day when I was working full time at the special ed school, and making ten bucks an hour, I couldn't afford an apartment out here! So now, while I am only working part-time, its going to be nearly impossible! The good thing is that now that I watch Abby and Hayden during the day, I could move out towards that area, Addison or Villa Park maybe, where apartments are a little cheaper and I'd still be close enough to school. But even that would be a very precarious venture. What I need to do is somehow get a couple thousand dollars saved up, so I'd be able to pay for several months of rent in advance. That way I wouldn't have to be living hand-to-mouth as much. I've been looking for other ways to get extra money in my spare time, with my Bookwise business and other online ventures, including this Cash Fiesta thing I just found.
THe Cash Fiesta thing is cool because you download this toolbar thing that goes on the top of your screen. Its not spyware or anything else, its just a toolbar that wants to show you ads all the time. You get points for every second that you have the toolbar up there! Then you can get more points by referring others to the program, trying out free offers, and doing other things. For instance, today I apparently made fifty bucks just by signing up for information from some colleges! This Cash Fiesta thing probably isn't going to pay my rent, but its going to help me save up, and give me some sense of hope for the future!
And of course I have my new blog, Adventures of a Stay At Home Auntie, where I get paid every time someone clicks on my ads. So go check out my ads! The program is just getting started, so right now I just have one ad, but apparently later on I'll be getting bigger and better ads!
Okay. So now it is ten o'clock and I am wide awake, drinking Dr. Pepper. Super! My mom comes home in the morning... I'm going to have to do some wicked speed cleaning before then!

Free money making opportunity

2008-03-14

You Want BugLegs!



Do you have a baby or toddler in your life who would look great in a very special pair of leg warmers? Yes, leg warmers are back, and they actually do look extremely cute on little girls! In case you weren't around for the eighties, leg warmers look like tights, but the legs are separated like socks, and they don't have feet. I always think the layered look is adorable on little girls. And they keep the kids' legs nice and warm!
But whats the best thing about these particular leg warmers? They are made by twelve-year-old "Bug", and her mom. Bug was formerly in foster care, and was adopted by her mother. She is home schooled but would much rather spend her time doing something that would help her learn about life in the real world, and so she and her mom came up with the idea of starting their own Etsy Store!
So... go check out Bug's awesome leg warmers! They're the perfect accessory for this spring!
(This is not a sponsored post, by the way. I'm writing this because I like Bug, and I like her leg warmers, and I just think you need to buy some!)

2008-03-13

Aggravated



So dude, check this out. Remember how I was going to bring Trixie over to Diana's when I watched the kids yesterday? Well, I did, and Trixie was the happiest dog in the world all day! She played with Clover all day long, ran in and out of the house, and just had a great time. By the end of the day, you should have seen her! She was an exhausted puppy! I bet it was one of the best days of her life!
Anyway I figured Trixie and I would spend the night over there, and I had planned ahead for this by giving the cat tons of extra food and water and bringing along some food for Trixie.
At about eleven-forty-five at night I get a frantic call from my mom, saying, "Where are you?" When I told her I had Trixie with me and was staying overnight at Diana's, she went all ballistic, saying, "No, you nee to bring the dog home right now and then stay there." She goes on and on about how its HER dog and SHE gets to make the decisions about the dog, how part of my responsibility was to actually be at home and watch the house, and how next time she travels she's going to put the animals in the kennel, make me leave, and change the locks!
Does anyone else think thats just a little odd?
Lets review the facts of this case.
1.) Before my parents left, my mom asked me if I was going to be around, because if I didn't want to stay home alone she would put the animals in the kennel. This kills the theory of my responsibility to actually be at home, because if I had not said I'd stay there at all during the week, the house would have been empty all week.
2.) My mom also told me that if I changed my mind and wanted to stay at Diana's or if I was having trouble getting home often enough to feed and let the dog out, I could put Trixie in the kennel myself. I actually told her that, no, I didn't want to put the dog in the kennel, and that if anything I would just bring her with me to Diana's!
3.) My mom knew for sure that I was planning to bring Trixie with me to Diana's on Wednesday, and that on Friday I was planning to bring the kids here to my mom's house for a while instead. So what is the big whopping deal about the dog not being allowed to spend the night?
4.) When we first got Trixie, my mom didn't want to keep her, her reasoning being that if I got an apartment that didn't allow dogs, she would be stuck with the dog. The general implication at the time was that whenever I moved out, Trixie would be with me. Doesn't that mean she's my dog, at least partly, and I should be able to bring her to a friend's house?
5.) Again, what is the big deal about the dog not being allowed to spend the night somewhere! She's a dog! Its not like she's going to be doing drugs or sneaking out to party or something! She was with me the whole time, and slept at my side!

You know what? I wish I was dead, man. If I had known that I was going to be born with a messed-up brain, and that at the age of 28 my mom would still be as abusive and controlling as she ever was when I was a kid, and that because of my own problems I wouldn't even have the option of living elsewhere and I'd be forced to stick around and be abused for all of eternity... I would have definitely not been born!
I like being at Diana's because even though being with the kids all day can be exhausting, it is definitely the most rewarding "job" I could ever have and I really do miss them whenever I'm not with them. And I like hanging out when Diana and Jimmy come home and being part of a family that actually talks to each other and jokes around and stuff, instead of just being by myself until 7 or 7:30 at my mom's and then spending the evening quietly watching TV. Since I started watching the kids I've actually felt a lot happier than usual because I at least have a reason for living.
Maybe my mom resents that.
I don't know... but I just wish I could stop being me.

2008-03-11

Morning has broken!

Hi everyone! Well I have a weird week ahead of me because, for reasons I do not want to disclose on this blog because I don't want a stalker jumping at the opportunity to call or visit me, I have a sort of weird week ahead of me. Ever since I started watching my little nieces three days a week, it has worked out that usually on Mondays and Wednesday nights after I watch them, I will just stay at Diana's house and hang out and then spend the night, help get the kids ready in the morning, bring Brandon to school, and then either go to my own school or stop at home first. The only day I can never do that is Friday, because I leave early to go to my horrid, evil, boring evening class!
But this week I am directly in charge of two strange little furry creatures! One of my strange little furry creatures uses a litter box and generally stays out of trouble, plus if you fill his bowl completely with food he will eat it slowly throughout the day, so he can be left alone all day long or even overnight. But the other strange little furry creature not only has to be let outside to pee and exercise every few hours, but if you fill her entire bowl with food she'll just gobble it all down in one sitting and then puke it back up because she ate too much, and she also gets emotional if left alone for too long! So that particular furry little creature needs direct supervision at all times. Which means, this week, I will have to either leave Diana's house at the very second that she gets home, and rush home at the speed of light to take care of that furry little creature, or bring her with me to Diana's house. (I am pretty sure I will take the second option.)
I love Trixie and I am training her to be my Psychiatric Support Dog. I even took her to school with me last week, although it is technically against the rules. (Hey, doesn't that remind you of a song?) She was very good at school and just sat or laid next to me... but I still worry about her! She's also a pain in the neck to ride in a car with. She tries to sit on my lap in the driver's seat, endangering the lives of everyone involved.
Anyway... it should be an interesting week, huh!
Yesterday I was with the kids and the day went alarmingly fast, because Diana's brother John is visiting, possibly on one of those infamous "visits with lack of intention to go home anytime soon" that I used to be really great at! Plus Diana let Brandon stay home from school because he'd been up late visiting with his uncle and was really tired. So it was sort of cool to have two extra people to talk to! Plus Abby spent some of the time playing with Brandon, and she was happy to have him home all day!
Oh well I guess I had better move on with my daily routine now.
By the way, here's the link to my newest blog about me and the kids, the one where I get paid whenever people click on the ads! (Yeah, its a sweet deal, you may want to try it yourself!) The address is http://www.blogchex.com/heynicki
Have a fun day!

2008-03-09

Brrrrrr...


I am freezing. To. Death. The possibility exists that I could contract hypothermia while blogging in my own home. I NEED FIRE!
Anyway...
I've been very busy participating in a Blogger Party over at 5 Minutes For Mom. The idea is, you do something special on your blog entry for the day, and then everyone goes around and visits each other's blogs. Its a cool way to meet new bloggers and get your own blog noticed! I'm participating with my newest blog, Adventures Of A Stay-At-Hom Auntie, which I started as a possible way of making some extra money! (When you get a blog at Bloghex, you get paid any time someone clicks on one of the ads on your blog!)
If you like blogging, and you're a woman, go check out the Blog Party! (Sorry, no dudes allowed at this one!)
OH MY GOD I'm FREEZING!!!!!!!

The Next Twenty Years!

I found this contest over at a blog called Scribbit. The contest involves writing a blog entry on the theme of "The Next Twenty Years." If you want to participate, you could win an Alaskan ulu, which apparently is a cutting tool used to skin beavers, slice through whale blubber, and perform other handy cutting jobs! WARNING: THE ULU IS NOT TO BE USED AS A MURDER WEAPON.
So, the next twenty years... this is something I think about a lot.
I am twenty-eight years old, and I'm often frustrated because where I am in life is not where I feel like a twenty-eight-year-old is supposed to be. On one hand, I have experienced way more than most people my age have. I spent a year in AmeriCorps working with abused children, I've traveled across the country on a Greyhound bus, I've been to Peace Festivals and Rainbow Gatherings and Reggae On The River, I've hitchhiked, I've swam in rivers and oceans and lakes across the country, I've volunteered for several years in a row at a summer camp for siblings in foster care, I've self-published a novel... And I've been through a lot of bad things too. I've been a homeless teenager and a homeless adult, I've been a victim of just about every type of abuse you can think of, I've been in handcuffs, I've been in a psych hospital, I've helped raise the children of people who were too busy smoking crack to be there for them, I've suffered with very severe depression and anxiety. So you could say that, for a twenty-eight-year-old, I've had a pretty full life. However, I haven't accomplished the thing I have wanted to do since I was a young kid, which is to live on my own and be a foster parent or adoptive parent.
When I was still a teenager, I was planning on becoming a foster or adoptive parent as soon as I was old enough. I was so independent back then, I was certain I would move out as soon as I turned eighteen, and that I'd be on my own from there on out. I was sure I would be able to support myself by writing tons of best-selling books. I researched online and found out that the youngest age possible for adopting and foster parenting was twenty-one, and I planned to do that the minute I was old enough! Who knew that, although I did move out as soon as I was eighteen, I would be living on the streets, would not be able to support myself very well, and would end up homeless on and off for several years, my only refuge to be crashing in the homes of friends and family members?
I decided to go back to school to become a special education teacher several years ago. It is taking me way longer than I thought it would, because I've encountered a whole bunch of road blocks, red tape, and other complications! But in two-and-a-half years, my schooling will be over. Thats not that long of a time, if you think about it. With my special ed teaching degree, I'll be able to finally accomplish all those dreams I had!
So, twenty years from now? In twenty years, I'll be forty-eight years old, which isn't that old at all, if you think about it. I'll be an accomplished special education teacher, or maybe even have started my own school for unique learners! I'll have children, and since I'll probably adopt older kids, the possibility exists that I could even be a grandmother at age forty-eight!
My plan for the next twenty years is to surround myself with the things I love... children and animals and family members. I don't want to be rich... I just want to have a home, a place to belong. Thats all I ask for. Who could ask for more?

2008-03-04

Wake Up!

I am sleep-writing right now! Somewhere along the way I've gotten a little sleep-deprived and I need to catch up!
Want to know something strange about my dog Trixie? She loves to steal things. She is a kleptomaniac! But the weird thing is, when she steals things, she steals them in sets! For instance, she'll steal both of your socks off of the floor, or both of your mittens from the table. Also, she doesn't chew these items up like most puppies do... she just carries them around for a while and then hides them, like a suvinere of you that she can look at when you're gone!

I have started yet another blog, by the way! Blogging is my way of categorizing my life. I don't like to write about everything in one blog, so I have to run fifty million separate blogs... one for my personal life, one for children's issues, one for books, etc
Anyway, the new blog is at Blogchex.com, and I mainly started it because at Blogchex blogowners get paid any time someone clicks on the ads! Unlike Google Ads, in which people actually have to buy stuff, for this program you get paid by the click!
The new blog is about my experiences taking care of Abby and Hayden, and includes activity and craft ideas in every entry to help other people who spend their days in the company of preschoolers. Check it out: Adventures of A Stay-At-Home Auntie!
Okay I need to rest for a few minutes before my eyeballs explode.
I'll write more later!


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