New Year's Eve

While all the rest of you are out partying, I am at home writing on my blog! Why?
Because I had to work all day today, up until 8:00, and I have to be at work early tomorrow morning.
Diana invited me to a party, and I was going to go, but then when I started trying to imagine getting up tomorrow morning at her house, after a night of being out celebrating and probably staying up really late, and then trying to drag myself to work, I got all depressed. So I figured I'd be better off staying home with my cat, Sammy-Joe. That way I'll at least get enough sleep to be able to manage working all day on New Year's Day!
Today at work, the wing for people with Alzheimers and dementia finally opened up. They've started letting some people from the Nursing Home part of the building, who have been waiting for months to get into the new wing, move down there. One of the people who got to move down there today was Marion, my 100-year-old friend... the one who I often help at work because she gets so anxious.
Tonight I went over there for a while to visit her. It was about 6:30 and Marion was already getting ready for bed, but when I saw her she was sitting in the doorway of her new room, all distressed. She said she couldn't sleep alone. For more than a year now, she's had a roommate! On this new wing she gets her own room. Before, she had been all excited about that, but now she was getting all nervous.
I had to go upstairs and do some activities on the Nursing floor, but I told Marion I'd be back later on to visit her again and make sure she was okay. I thought, since this new floor has a very low staff-to-resident ratio, someone would help Marion, and she'd be okay!
I went upstairs and did my stuff, and then about an hour later I went down to check on Marion again.
Well, for starters, she was sitting in the wrong room! When I found her, she begged me to just come sit with her for a while so she could fall asleep.
So, as I so often used to do when Marion was on the Nursing floor, I went into her room with her and oversaw her as she got herself into bed. I covered her up and turned out her light. Then I sat on a chair in the corner, in the darkness, and waited silently for her to fall asleep. When I was sure she was asleep, I tiptoed out! It felt like I was putting a small child to bed!
I hope she's going to be okay there. I know for sure that she will have much better care, and better opportunities, on this new floor. I really hope she starts to enjoy it when she gets used to the routine! It is so much better than when she was upstairs, just sitting around in Nursing and waiting to die. But she doesn't really like changes, and she still has a lot of anxiety, and the new routine and new staff is going to be hard for her to get used to...
Oh well! I told her I'd visit her again tomorrow when I'm at work, and maybe she'll be doing better by then!
For now, I am going to work on my other blog a little more, and then curl up on the couch with my cat and some Dr. Pepper and snacks, for the duration of the night!
Happy New YEar!


Hey Stalker!

Dear Stalker,
Yeah, you know who you are.
Do not... I repeat, do not... under any circumstances... ever call, or in any way attempt to contact, Diana, ever again for as long as you live. She may think its just precious that you're so desperate to talk to me, but I don't find it amusing.
You know what really aggravates me? The fact that you went through all the trouble to remember Tony's last name from 500 years ago, and find out his (ex)wife's phone number, all in an attempt to keep tabs on me. That's what makes you a stalker... because you just DON'T GIVE UP!
Please cease any and all attempts at communication, including calling the phones of anyone on earth if the reason you're calling is to find out about me.
And don't even think about creating a false email address with a fictional character, pretending to be a fan of the blog, so you can trick me into talking to you. (Doesn't that strike you as just a little overboard?)
And while you're at it, don't send mail to my mom's house, either.
I am writing this in my blog for all the world to publicly see. I have friends out there in the world who are witnessing my words right this very minute.
Please erase all thoughts of me from your brain.
Find some friends, find something to do, find something else to help you find happiness and fulfillment in life... as long as it doesn't involve me!



Had a Bad Day...

Yesterday didn't go so well for me. I had a lot of things I was planning to get done... I wanted to run several errands, and I was hoping to go see Diana and the kids again since I had the day off. However, just as I was getting ready to leave, my dad's friend showed up for a visit, and parked in the driveway behind my car.

Me: Uh-oh, is he parking in the driveway? If he parks in the driveway, I won't be able to leave.

Dad: Yes, he is parking in the driveway.\

Me: Uh, can you ask him to park in the street

Dad: (Goes outside)

So I finished getting ready to go, looked out the window, and the car was still in the driveway behind mine!
Instead of going and asking the guy to move his car, like a normal person would have done, I had a total meltdown/panic attack and fell asleep in my room for three hours.
When I woke up, the guy was just leaving.

Me: Dad, remember you were going to ask that guy to park in the street?
Dad: What?
Me: Remember I said I had to leave, and I asked you to have him park in the street so I could back out?
Dad: Oh, I didn't hear you. Oh, now I feel bad.
Me: Ugh...

Anyways. So I was completely bored, and I decided to try to hook up Wifi for my house, since my mom went out drinking after work. Supposedly her friend's uncle was in town and she wanted to party with her friend's uncle. I started hooking up the WiFi, and everything went splendidly, except that I couldn't figure out how to make it a secured connection. So the whole time, my dad was standing behind me, literally grunting and groaning and sighing and making other weird noises, because he was afraid someone was going to hack into our computer right at that very minute!
I was on one of those "Live Chat" help things, trying to get the Linksys person to help me hook up a secured connection. She kept telling me the same things over and over again, although I explained I had already tried those things. All the person seemed to be able to do is tell me the same things, word for word, that were in the instruction manual I already had! Which wasn't working!
Finally my mom got home, and I was like, "Shit shit shit."
So I put on a bright smile.

Me: Mom, guess what! I hooked up the Wifi!
Mom: Oh, you did? Does it work?
Me: Yeah, but I can't figure out how to make it a secured connection.
Mom: Then you need to shut it down right now. I have things on that computer that I don't want people to hack into.
Me: But you have to be able to be online for a while, to get the secured connection set up!
Mom: I wish you had waited for me to do it.
Me: I just wanted to help...
Mom: No you didn't. You just wanted the Wifi hooked up. Ugh. I'm going to take a shower.

Another meltdown/panic attack.

Me: Mom totally hates me, doesn't she.
Dad: Well, she hates me even more.

It turns out my mom knows exactly how to get the secured connection set up, because someone told her a different way of doing it... but she is going to set it up "when she is good and ready."
So until then... I am back... at the library.



Merry Christmas! (The actual day this time!)

Hi everyone! Its Christmas and I wanted to stop by my blog because you know I can never stay away long! so far I had a pretty great Christmas. Yesterday I spent most of the day with my mom's family at my Nona and Bopop's house, so I got to see all my relatives and my little cousins and everything. (Unfortunately I didn't take pictures... I took some videos but I can't use those on the computer because my video camera isn't digital!)
Then I went over to Diana's house and had a great Christmas Eve with Diana and Jimmy and the kids Brandon, Abby and Hayden. I helped Brandon and Abby make reindeer food and leave a snack out for Santa Claus. Then, after the kids went to bed, I helped wrap a bunch of presents and also label all the presents that were from Santa. And I ate the cookies and replied to the note. I am in charge of all of the Santa stuff because I know how to do special Santa handwriting!
We were busy getting Christmas ready until about 2 am, and we stayed up for a while longer talking. Finally we all went to bed... but about an hour later, Brandon and Abby woke up, and I heard them walking around the living room looking at all the presents! Abby eventually went back to bed, but Brandon stayed up and started watching cartoons on the TV while I pretended to still be sleeping! Then he thought he broke the TV, so he took his laptop computer to his room to play with it! (Needless to say, the kids were dead tired today!)
When we later woke up at a somewhat more normal time (about 6:15) the kids opened all their presents and a great time was had by all!
Now I am back at my parents' house to spend the rest of Christmas Day with them. I guess my uncle is coming over tonight too.
I think this is one of my best Christmases!
Anyway, here is what Christmas at Diana's house looked like...

Diana's house is my most favorite part of Christmas every year because it is the most fun! My mom's house is sort of quiet and grouchy, and my relatives' house are usually noisy and sort of phony, but at Diana's house its just normal. I love being able to help make Christmas for the kids! I was sort of sad when I had to leave and come back here... its sort of a let-down feeling... but oh well, a good time was had by all.
Merry Christmas!


Merry Christmas Eve!!!

Hi everyone! Its Christmas Eve, and I wanted to be sure to post my Holiday Traditions Festival post for the day, since Christmas Eve is conveniently located on a Monday!

When I was a little kid, for as long as I can remember, every Christmas Eve my Dad would read our Little Golden Book version of "The Night Before Christmas" to my brother and me. My dad used to have long hair in back, and I would often sit behind him and comb his hair while he read to us. (And if he was really lucky, I would add some of my own bsrretts and ribbons to his hair!)
Here's a picture of my dad, many years later. He doesn't have much hair left, but we still have the Little Golden Book! I hope someday he'll be able to read it to my children on Christmas Eve!

Merry Christmas, everyone!
And to all, a good night.


Am I even a human being at all???

So yesterday was my work Christmas party. Unfortunately, although the party started at 6:30, I had to work until 7:30. I brought a change of clothes to work, changed in the staff bathroom, and hurried to the banquet hall where the party was going to be.
(I got a whole new outfit for this event... because my mom had told me that none of the clothes I already owned were nice enough for this particular banquet hall! I wish I had a picture of me in my new outfit. I'll probably wear it again for Christmas though! It was hella cool!)
I got to the banquet hall just before 8. Unfortunately, by then, the valet parkers had already left for the night, and the parking lot was wedged full! I had to find a spot down the street, and then trudge through the snow in my shiny new shoes, to get there. And then, when I found the table with all the co-workers from my department, of course there was no room for me! My boss quickly stole a chair from a neighboring table for me, and I ended up wedged between her and her husband, causing people to joke that I looked like their new daughter!
Of course that brought a round of jokes about, "Guess how old Nicki is?" because people never fail to be amused by the fact that I look so young. And I guess I just have a child-like aura about me, too!
Okay. So mostly the party was fun but more like eating dinner with all my coworkers at a large crowded table than like an actual "party."
I thought there would be Christmas gifts for everyone... because my work is kind of a swanky place, the kind of place that would give out employee gifts. But what they had done was had a raffle instead. So instead of every single person getting one gift, about five people got really nice gifts, like a digital video camera, a GPS system, and a flat-screen TV.
Unfortunately for me, since I had gotten there late, I didn't even get to be in the raffle! :(
Then there was a lot of dancing. I didn't dance. I don't know how to dance. I always have fun watching people dance, but I literally don't know how to dance. I mean, people usually learn that stuff when they're in middle school or high school, right, by going to parties and stuff? But I didn't have friends in middle school or high school. I didn't go to parties. So I never learned to dance. And I am so physically awkward that it is hard for me to fake it. Sometimes I wonder why I go to these things, because they always leave me wondering if I am even human. They leave me thinking, "I want to be able to dance and have fun at parties!" But I don't know how. I just don't know how to interact with people in that way.
I stayed till the very end though. Just about everyone else had gone home, except for a group of Hispanic co-workers. Karina, who is probably my best "work friend", is practically a professional dancer. She takes all sorts of dancing classes and performs and everything. Her sister also dances, as well as her friend who came with them... and her dad also works where we work, so he was there with Karina's mom, and they were dancing too... and at the end when just the Hispanic people and me were there, it turned into some sort of "fiesta" and they put on Spanish music and did Spanish dancing. They were trying to get me to come dance too, but I stayed firmly glued to my chair. Afterwards they asked me why I didn't come dance, and I said I didn't know how, and they said, "We could have taught you!" But how could I explain to them that I probably couldn't learn? I am just not physically in my body enough.
Does that make sense?

In other news, I got a package full of Christmas presents from my younger brother today. I mean, the presents were for everyone in my house and also for my little cousins. Mine was this:

It looks really cool... I can't wait to read through it. (I know you don't usually "read" date books, but this one has a lot of other stuff too!)
OK let me go now. I've got a bunch of errands to run! Including mailing a Christmas present to my brother and his girlfriend! I've had their presents ready for weeks, but because I'm a gumball, it never occurred to me that I'd have to actually mail it sometime before Christmas!
Oh well...


Its a Christmas Miracle, Everyone!

Hallelujah! Amen, my brothers and sisters! A miracle has occured!
I just got my grades back for this semester.
I was only taking three classes... Children's Literature, Spanish, and College Mathematics. The thing is, because of the idiotic way that my school is run, this semester was basically a place-holder for me before I begin my strict special education program next semester. I had to take College Mathematics as a requirement, but the other two classes were just "fun" classes I chose, things I thought would be easy.
However, this semester was very rough for me. In August I started my new part-time job at the senior home. But because we were so short-staffed, I was basically given full-time hours from the beginning. So basically I was expected to spend half my days working for eight hours, and the other half going to school for four hours and then working for four to six hours after that. For the entire month of November, I had only one day on my calendar where I wasn't supposed to be at either work or school. (It was the Saturday after Thanksgiving.)
Some people with ADHD thrive on this sort of schedule, but the way I experience ADHD is the opposite. I need a lot of "down" time to do things I actually enjoy or to just "space out". So, unfortunately, I ended up ditching a lot of classes. As my work schedule got more demanding, I neglected my classes more.
In my Children's Lit class, I was pretty sure I'd get an A, because of two final projects I'd done. Whenever I have to do an independent project, I usually blow the teachers away!
However, I was afraid I'd flunk Spanish and Math, or at least get D's. I'd gotten an A on every Spanish test I'd had, but lost a lot of points for "participation", plus missed a few homework assignments. And math... well, I suck at math, and in this class I couldn't understand the teacher, so I had basically taught myself everything using the text book's website!
Well... I did get an A on Children's Lit... and I got C's in both Spanish and Math!
C's are good! C's are wonderful! C's keep me in the special education program and keep me eligible for financial aid!
Thank you, God! Next semester, I swear, I'll get straight A's.


My Favorite Christmas Song!

My Maximum Boredom Threshhold

Yesterday was a horrid day for me because my mom had disconnected my laptop from the Internet in order to try to fix the real computer, and then we couldn't get the Internet to work on my laptop again!
This wouldn't have been so bad, except for the fact that it was my designated laundry day. When you do laundry in my mom's house, you have to physically remain in the basement, where the washing machine is. Why? Because often the washing machine gets a little boisterous and starts jumping around, sometimes making it halfway across the room. If you don't hear the thumping sound in time and run to catch the damn thing, it could get so far away that the hoses pull out of the wall, squirting water everywhere, just like in "Mr. Mom!"
Since I had a ton of laundry to do, I was basically a hostage in the basement all day. Here's what I did to amuse myself...
-Painted my fingernails purple (but later screwed them all up when I was trying to fi the computer)
-Taped my left big toe to my left second toe with masking tape, because I think I broke my toe, and when I broke my toe as a child once, the emergency room doctor performed this same procedure. I figured I'd save myself some time by just doing it myself.
-Watched a bunch of really stupid movies and TV shows.
-Called my mom at work "just to talk."
-Eventually passed out cold, not because I was tired, but because I had to rescue myself from the boredom!
Ironically, today the Internet is working again on my laptop, but I have a lot of errands to run. If I had planned it right, I would have done my laundry today, and ran all my errands yesterday!
::Sigh:: You win some, you lose some, huh.


Chain Letter

This came to me from Diana's little sister. It was an email, but since I do not have a lot of people on my "address book"... at least not people who react kindly to chain letters... I figured I'd post it here, therefore potentially "sending" it to millions of people! So, check it out... its fascinating stuff! ;)

This is no joke. It works (from experience).


Read this now or forever hold your peace.

This is not just your ordinary chain letter. Every person you send it to, brings you more good luck.
If you send it to no one, it will cause someone you like to hate you.

If you send it to 1 person, your next relationship will have lots of fun times.

If you send it to 2 people, you will get a secret admirer.

If you send it to 3 people, you'll get a date for the next school dance.

If you send it to 4 people, you'll meet the person of your dreams.

If you send it to 5 people, the guy or girl you met of your dreams will ask for your phone number.

If you send it to 8 people, your next relationship will be everlasting.

If you send it to 13 people, your boyfriend or girlfriend, will become totally faithful to you.

If you send it to 15 people, the person you have been crushing on for a very long time, will ask you out.

If you send it to 18 people, your date for the next dance will ask you out.

If you send it to 20 people, you'll make out with your crush at a party..

If it can do that much sending it to 20 people, imagine what it will do if you send it to more.

The consequences:

If you do not send this letter to anybody, your life will suck! You have 5 days to send this letter to at least 1 person. You can send this to as many people as you want to. I am warning you...do not just delete this letter. It is a new chain letter and we would like it to
get sent around as quick as possible. I refused to send it to many people when I first made it in June of 1995, because I didn't believe it would work. I sent it to 38 people, then I got the best boyfriend that I could ever have.

Romantic, Popular, or Brainy?


1. Pick your favorite color out of the following:

2. Pick your favorite animal out of the following:

3. Pick your desired honeymoon spot:
New York
East Africa

4. Pick your favorite instrument:
Electric Guitar

5. Pick your favorite soft drink:
Dr. Pepper
Coca Cola,
Mountain Dew

6. Name A. Person Of The Opposite Sex...

7. Name A. Person Of The Same Sex...

8. The Time Now...

9. Your Age

10. You don't have to write it down, but make a WISH and then scroll down!


1. Red - Adventurous
Orange - Fun
Yellow - Sweet
Green - Wacky
Blue - Romantic
Purple - Mysterious

2. Cat - Feminine
Dog - Loving
Fish - Boring
Snake - Boyish
Parrot - Annoying
Mouse - Brainy

3. Hawaii - Romantic
New York - Busy
East Africa - Curious
Spain - Mysterious
Montana - Country Girl/Boy

4. Violin - Intellectual
Piano - Popular
Electric Guitar - Wacky
Drums - Wild

5. Dr. Pepper - Popular
Sprite - Wacky
Coca Cola - Wild
Mountain Dew - Athletic
Pepsi- Fun

6. That person will have a crush on you after you send this!

7. That person will become your enemy if you don't send this!

8. How long you have to send this!

(Ex: 5:15 = 5 hours 15 minutes)

9. How many peeps you have to send this to!

10. That will come true if you do #9 in the amount of time #8 says!

So... what do you think of that?????

Water... I need water...

I've had bronchitis lately, but as it turns out, I was also fairly dehydrated. I thought I was just getting sicker and sicker... my throat was always dry and scratchy, and even my eyeballs felt like they were filled with dust! I preferred to quench my thirst with Dr. Pepper, but because I was so thirsty last night in the middle of the night, and didn't want the caffeine in pop to keep me awake, I filled a water bottle up and brought it to my room, where I drank most of it before falling asleep. And oddly, I did not wake up to pee a single time, and in the morning I still didn't have to pee... but I did feel a lot better! Apparently my body just soaked up all that water like a sponge!
So today I also brought a water bottle to work with me and drank from it any time I felt thirsty. And what a difference it has made! I haven't been coughing nearly as much, and my eyes are way less itchy.
I read in a book last night that one gulp of water is worth one ounce of water. So if you're trying to get your eight glasses of water in, it really isn't that huge of an amount if you think about it in terms of gulps! You could go to a drinking fountain, chug eight swallows of water, and there is one of your eight glasses!
In other news, the Internet at my mom's house is still not working, allegedly because my dad downloaded something onto it that he wasn't supposed to. But right now my laptop is hooked up to the regular computer's modem, and it is working very well! Plus, my mom says we're going to get some sort of Wifi adapter box thingy, so I will be able to use my laptop in the house! (Usually I can only use it in places with free Wifi!) I think that will be way better, because I can download whatever I want onto my computer, use it for whatever I want, etc. I can keep all my homework stuff on it and not have to worry about people deleting, or reading, my private things!
Yay! I love my laptop!


Holiday tradition Festival Again!

I missed last week of the Holiday Tradition Festival over at Banana Migraine... because the stupid Internet is still not working at my house... but I've stopped at the library on my way to work today just so I could bring you this picture of my Christmas Tree!
When I was growing up we always had a real tree. Usually we picked it up at someplace like Handy Andy's or Franks, but a few times we actually drove to a Christmas tree farm and cut down our own! So I can't help but feel a little disappointed that my parents now insist on getting a fake tree. My mom sprays the air around it with pine-scented air freshener, but it's just not the same!
One thing that has stayed the same is the ornaments. When I was little we made a lot of our ornaments, plus my parents bought my brother and I each a new ornament every year (usually with the date on it) and we still have all those old ornaments. We also have a lot of ornaments that once belonged to elderly relatives who eventually died, leaving us to pilfer through their houses. Plus we do have a lot of new things... my mom's friend Jim always gives her weird ornaments, like the one of the bowling pin with the alarmed look on it's face.
Decorating the Christmas tree is fun... but taking it all down again sucks, doesn't it?


Alarmingly Smart Cat

A few days ago I dumped all of Sammy-Joe's belongings on the floor for him. He loves to be able to see all of his stuff at once! That night we sat on the floor and played for hours. Nobody ever picked up the stuff... largely because my mom is out of town, and my dad and I don't particularly care about things like that. Sammy-Joe has really enjoyed having everything he owns dumped out like that! He loves to just go and sit or lay in the middle of all of his treasures, like a king! (You may notice that about 80% of his toys are actually things he stole from other people... plastic rings from milk bottles, hair bands, shoe laces and the strings from hoodie sweatshirts, stuffed animals, small decorative knick-nacks.... He loves the furry mice toys meant for cats, and he loves his catnip toys, but other than that, he tends to ignore toys meant for cats, and would rather play with things he thinks he's not supposed to have!)
This picture was particularly hard to take though. I saw Sammy-Joe lying in the middle of all his things, and I thought, "I need a picture of that!" So I ran downstairs to get my camera, but when I brought it back up, it turned out the batteries were dead! I told Sammy to stay where he was, ran upstairs to my room, and found some batteries in my drawer. Unfortulately, the camera still didn't work! I told Sammy to stay there one more minute, ran downstairs to my dad's work bench, and got four more batteries that I knew were fresh! The camera still didn't work! Finally I realized I was loading the batteries wrong. On that camera, the small bump means "POSITIVE" and the large bump means "NEGATIVE", instead of the other way around!
Finally I got the camera all straighened out... and just then Sammy got up and walked away.
I was like, "Noooooooo! My perfect picture, ruined!"
Desperately, I picked Sammy-Joe up and plopped him back down among all his things. "Stay there just one minute so I can get a picture," I said. He sat still, looking at me. He glanced away, but when I said, "Look at Mama!" he looked back at me! I snapped the picture and said, "Good boy, thanks!" And he casually walked away.
I swear, he is an alarmingly smart cat!

In other news, I called in sick from work today and slept until noon. I am still feeling crappy! I am coughing up loogies and my voice sounds like a lifelong smoker's voice! My stomach is also nauseous too! Tonight I'm supposed to go out for pizza and go rollerskating with my new Get Out Of The House Club, but I don't know if I'll go. My dad has pointed out that it is a little odd to call in sick from work and then go rollerskating, but I've been looking forward to rollerskating... and besides, I might feel better by this evening, right?


Sicky Saturday

Here I am, illegally accessing my mom's laptop once again so I can keep my faithful readers abreast of my life! The bad news is, I am not feeling well at all. Sick sick sick... in more than one way! One of the ways I am sick is because I've got bronchitis. (I don't even have to go to the doctor to figure that one out... I've had it so many times... I woke up with the familiar heaviness in my chest. hacked up a big green loogie, and thought, "Shit!")
The other way that I'm sick, I don't want to tell you because it might gross some of you out, so let me just say that a problem every female must deal with has been going horribly awry for me, and the medication I am on for it has not been making much of a difference. I feel like a walking murder scene!
Anyway... I would like to present you with another meme, this one stolen from Mel from Freak Parade. (Mel has also created a new meme in which you just leave one comment saying one random thing about yourself! Its the ONE THING MEME!)
Here it goes...

7 things I’m passionate about:
1. Helping children
2. Writing
3. Reading
4. My family (including the family members I've created for myself... Diana and the kids!)
5. Blogging
6. Pets and animals
7. Just like Mel, whatever random thing I happen to be obsessed with at any given time!

8 things I say often:
1. Yeaaaah...
2. Ugh
3. Crap
4. Dude
5. Coooool
6. WTF?
7. Wah!
8. I'm going to puke!

8 books I’ve read recently:
1. Fabulous Friendship Circle (by SARK)
2. Enrique's Journey
3. Visiting Life
4. Still Alice
5. Look Into My Eyes
6. Becoming Chloe
7. Happy Birthday Or Whatever
8. The Kindness Of Strangers

8 things I want to do before I die:

1. Become a special education teacher
2. Become a foster parent
3. Have a lot of dogs and cats, including a Greyhound
4. Get at least one book published "for real"
5. Be on TV
6. Write my autobiography
7. Get to travel to different places and stay in swanky hotels for free like my mom does
8. Go to Disney World with Diana and Brandon and Abby and Hayden

8 songs I can listen to over and over again, and probably have:
1. Shine On Harvest Moon (Yeah I know, I'ma dork!)
2. "Ripple"
3. Anything by the Beatles
4. ANything by the Grateful Dead
5. "Always" by Billy Corgan
6. Instant Repeater 99
7. Infidelity
8. Sam's Song

3 things that attract me to my friends:
1. Kindness
2. Goofy sense of humor
3. Accepting me for all my idiosyncracies (Uh did I spell that right?)

7 things I learned in the last year:
1. That no matter what job you get, it will always suck in some way.
2. That I have a problem with authority figures.
3. That my emotions are often too strong for me to handle.
4. That losing a pet can be just as bad as losing a human family member... and even worse, because usually you don't have to personally bring your family member to his death chamber!
5. That I have to chill and relaz
6. That I am stronger than I thought
7. That there's no place like home!

Thats it! Memes are great, right?
Now I am really starting to feel sick... I am grossed out just by sitting here! I think I will go lay down somewhere... Goodbye!


What Have You Done?

I stole this meme from Tricia at Four Plus Four Equals Ten! The idea here is to copy and paste the entire list, and then put in bold all of the items you have done in your life! Well, lets see...

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and didn’t care who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Gotten flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Passed out cold
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Para sailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

Nightmares, the Homeless, and Smart Kitties!

I've been sort of sick lately with a sore throat that won't go away. Since I don't have to work until 3:30 today, I woke up early contemplating making a doctor's appointment so I could get a strep test. But when I tried calling the doctor, I could never get through, so I figured, "Screw it, I'll just take the extra time to get some extra sleep." When I am sick, getting a lot of extra sleep always helps me feel better.
So I went back to sleep and started having all these nightmares. The kind of nightmares where the situation is so similar to the actual situation, that you can't figure out if you're awake or dreaming! My nightmare started when I dreamed I woke up and heard someone violently shaking the back door, trying to force it open. In my dream all the blood drained out of my face and I felt myself feeling like I was going to faint from terror! I could barely move because I was paralyzed from fear, so I rolled out of the bed and crawled across the floor, so I could look out the stairway window. It turned out the person shaking the door was this homeless lady, who in my dream I somehow knew. She kept putting all this stuff in my driveway. I went out there and told her, "You have to leave, I'm going to get screamed at by my mom if you're here!" The lady told me she just wanted to drop off a few things. The things she was dropping off were small... a baggie full of chocolate chip cookies, a taffy apple, and a Slip-N-Slide. So I politely said, "Oh thanks, bye!" and took the stuff inside. But the lady kept taking more and more stuff out of her huge truck, and leaving it in my backyard! The stuff got larger and larger! I kept going outside and begging her to leave, and she'd just yell at me to leave her alone!
THen I went inside and there was this dude walking around in my house. When I saw him I ran back out of the house, and he followed me, but to my relief he ran right past me and kept on running! I hollered after him, "I'm not calling the cops! I don't want you to get in trouble! Just don't come back!"
Throughout the dream, more people kept wandering through my house, looking accusingly at me as they passed.
At one point, Brandon was at my house with me, and he wanted to go outside and play, but I had to tell him that we had to stay inside because there were homeless people out there putting crap in my yard and I didn't want them to know I was home.
This dream may not have been realistic to most people... but to me it was, because I Actually was homeless for a long time as a teenager and young adult, and as a result I occasionally do have homeless people showing up at my mom's door looking for me. Now, since i Was homeless, I really don't have anything against homeless people, and am sympathetic to the things they go through... and in fact, if I Wasn't staying with my mom right now, I'd probably invite them in for a meal or whatever. But there are basically two kinds of homeless people. There are regular people who are going through a hard time in life and have found themselves homeless, and there are chronically homeless people who keep ending up homeless because of their substance abuse problems, untreated mental illnesses, tendency towards crime and violence, etc. The first type of people tend to get their lives together after a year or two, and if I do manage to run into them again I get to see them in their homes, with their new lives. The second type, the chronically homeless, are the ones who tend to try to track me down. Its almost as if they are trying to pull me back. "Come back, come back to the dark side! Remember when you were homeless too, and we helped you?" they will moan. (Note: Many did help me survive in the beginning, but as people's drug problems progress, they tend to steal from and hurt everyone and anyone, including those they claim to care about.)
In fact, for a while when I had my first apartment (which I moved into directly from a homeless shelter!) I did try to help many of the other "chronically homeless" people out by letting them stay with me. I literally shared everything I had... my food, my clothing, my bathroom, my bed. I would make trips to the food pantry and clothing close to bring back supplies for my growing "family." But as the original two or three homeless friends brought their friends, and their friends friends, and strangers off the street, things got out of control! While I worked ten hours a day, making a two-hour round trip bus ride each day to get to work and back, the homeless were busy converting my small apartment into a drug den! I would come home exhausted at night, and they would just be waking up. They would keep me up all night talking loudly. They would get into fights with each other, breaking my furniture and punching holes in my walls. They would show up at my job, asking me for money. They would make long-distance phone calls on my phone, leaving me with a phone bill I Couldn't pay. (When I put a jar by the phone and told people to drop a quarter in the jar when they made a call, they stole the quarters and used them to buy cigarettes!) If I kicked them out, they would crawl back in through the windows while I was at work. I came to the conclusion that homeless people were a little bit like vampires... once you invite one in, you could never get rid of him.
(My best friend Diana lived in the same apartment complex as me at the time, and she too was famous for running her own mini-shelter in her apartment, but she had much better luck at getting people to leave, somehow... usually!)
Anyway... all this is why, when I finally woke up at half past noon, my heart was pounding loudly, and I had to lie there for a while and convince myself that it really was all a dream!
Now I am using my mom's laptop to write this blog, since our home Internet is still not working! My cat, Sammy-Joe, is full of energy. He's one of the smartest cats I know, because he knows how to play fetch! He brings his little furry toy mouse up to me, drops it at my foot, and then rubs his head against me until I look down. Then, when I throw his mouse, he runs after it, picks it up, and trots back to me with the mouse hanging from his mouth! He drops it at my feet, and nudges me with his head until I throw it again! (When he gets tired of this game, he tends to hide the mouse in my backpack or in my shoe!)


Shoot Me Before I Die!

There's this lady who lives where I work who is 100 years old, and she's been at the place where I work longer than anyone else, I think. She's a really cool lady, and one of the first residents I met when I got the job. However, she is really starting to spiral downwards lately. She's been having a lot of anxiety problems especially around the fact that she cannot do many things for herself anymore. She is starting to forget and mix up words more than ever before... like calling a bowl of fruite "insurance for the insurance." And she has angry outbursts, screaming, Dammit, I don't want to live! I hate this place! Why can't I just be dead?"
She has always been one of the more independent people on the nursing home part of the building, able to get herself dressed and use the bathroom alone and get around by herself in her wheelchair. But lately she needs more and more help with these things. She is embarassed and resentful to ask the CNA's for help. I don't really blame her! Would you like to be struggling to get into your clothes while someone you barely know hollers at you in broken English, "Move Yuh Ahm! Move yuh ahm! Laahk thees! No! Leesten to me!"
So, when I am around, she begs me to help her. "Please, just stay and help me with this," she begs. "Please, please!" Often all she needs is someone to stand in the room with her while she does things herself, keep her company and reassure her that she's doing good. SHe gets nervous about going to bed and it takes her about forty minutes to get into her bed, because she has to look into her purse for about ten minutes to see whats in there, try to remember where her clothes and shoes and glasses go, decide whether she wants the bedside light on or off, etc. The whole time, she alternates between cursing the world, and saying, "Thank you so much for helping me!"
I don't mind helping her. The only problem is, I am often helping her when I am supposed to be doing something else... something more meaningless, but still, something that is an actual part of my job. Like paperwork, or gathering people up for a rousing game of Hangman. But I can't just leave her alone, crying with her nightgown still stuck halfway over her head, begging me to stay! I always have the option of pushing the call light button for an aid to come, but the CNA's are an elusive bunch who can rarely be found when you need them. Besides, many of them are sort of rude... and they've been known to pilfer through residents' drawers at night.
Now I'm starting to understand why my dad always tells me to shoot him before he gets old! There's just no dignity left in the world, is there?


Speaking of ADHD...

People sometimes wonder why I am so vocal about my ADHD. At work I am often saying things like, "Ugh, I'm having an ADHD moment!" And when I do something goofy, like break into a spontaneus Mexican hat dance to entertain the Alzheimers residents, or burst into a room and blurt out that I added too much cinnimon to my oatmeal and burned my esophogus, my coworker Karina often laughs and says, "Is your ADHD kicking in right now?" There are people, including those who have ADHD themselves, who think I would be better off keeping my medical diagnosises to myself.
Here's the thing. I didn't get diagnosed until I was an adult. I didn't have the luxury of growing up being embarassed about recieving special ed services or extra help or having to take medication. Instead, I grew up thinking that every aspect about me was messed up. I grew up being yelled at and punished for things I did and the way I acted, when I didn't really know how to be any different. I grew up thinking I just was a lazy, stupid kid with a very annoying personality... a kid who nobody wanted to be friends with... a kid who always had to stay in at recess to re-do the homework she lost or forgot, but who didn't really mind because there was nobody to play with outside anyway. A kid who became physically ill with headaches and stomachaches around dinner time, because she knew that after dinner she had to do her homework, and might be sitting at the kitchen table working on that horrid stuff until well after bedtime. A kid who got told by her mother that if she didn't calm down and stop jumping around excitedly, she would scare the other children. A kid who not even a mother could love.
So when I first learned about ADHD... I was about 17 when I first read a book about it... the feeling I had was not, "Oh my God, there's something wrong with me," but, "Oh my God! You mean there's nothing wrong with me? Its just something in my brain? You mean I'm really not just a failure as a person?"
And when I began meeting or hearing about others with ADHD, who had gone through many of the same things as I had... Well, have you ever seen that music video where the little girl in the bee costume goes around town dancing doing this crazy wild dance in front of people, but everyone just looks at her funny or ignores her? Finally she comes across this field, and it is filled with people in bee costumes, dancing around just like her. The girl gets a huge smile on her face and breaks into a run, to join them. She has finally found out that she is not a freak after all!
So, let me be honest with people about my ADHD. I'm not embarassed about it or upset about it. I've met a lot of awesome, unique, brilliant, interesting and friendly people with ADHD, both adults and children... and I am proud to be one of them.


Three Horrid Things That Have Happened To Me This Weekend

1. I ate a squid. It tasted... squiddy.
2. I had to help a 100-year-old lady get off the toilet, and I had to help her pull up her pants and her... ::cough:: ... inconstinence product.
3. My drunk mom and her drunk friend have been at my mom's house all day baking Christmas cookies... which mostly taste like crap.

I think I'm ready for Monday!


The Naughty Files

(Scroll down to the next post for the Holiday Festival!)
I finally dragged myself off my butt and went to see my best friend on Earth, Diana, who I hadn't seen for the past four months. Every year I seem to go through a few months where I don't see them because I have trouble leaving my house and my routine... its a depression/anxiety thing... but when I get through it, Diana is always waiting for me like the light at the end of the tunnel! I call her three kids my nephew and nieces. (By the way, today is Brandon's eleventh birthday! And he got his first cellphone! Kids these days, huh?)
I hope Santa Claus wasn't watching, because several naughty things went on while I was there.

NAUGHTY #!: Abby had a poo-poo accident in her pants.

NAUGHTY #2: Trying to be clever, instead of telling anyone about her accident, Abby tried to clean herself up, changed into her pajamas, and hid the poo-poo undies under her bed.

NAUGHTY #3: Clover, their dog, discovered the poo-poo undies... and... she... ATE THE POO POO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Other than that... and the fact that Brandon wasn't feeling very well and spent most of the time on the couch with a headache and a fever... a great time was had by all! We had pizza and chicken, and decorated the Christmas tree!

I hadn't seen the littlest kid, Hayden, since she was about a month old. (She's five months old now!) Originally when she was born I bonded with her quickly when I spent the night at the hospital with Diana after Hayden was born. But then I did my famous disappearing act for four months. I knew for sure Abby and Brandon, of course, would remember me... I had talked to them on the phone a few times during the intermission. One of my best memories is on Abby's second birthday, when I had gone through another dark period of not seeing anyone. I showed up to Abby's birthday party, thinking she would maybe not remember me or at least be weird about me... because she was only just turning two! But when I got there, she actually ran right up to me and hugged me! So from then on I always knew that Abby would remember me, even when she was little.
But I was expecting Hayden to be weird around me, the way babies sometimes are around people they don't know. But she was a smiley, happy baby, let me hold her hand right away, played with me, etc, and I spent a lot of time holding her! It felt like no time had passed since I had held Abby Bear that way, four years ago!

So anyway. I slept over. In the morning I watched Brandon open up his birthday presents. (I didn't even have mine to him, because my worthless brain had not grasped the fact that it was already going to be December 7th, and I'd left my gift at home, thinking I had weeks to spare!)
Then I had a doctor's appointment, where I got a prescription for Adderall. Today is my first day of being on Adderall! So far it is just giving me a headache.

I took a few pictures of the kids, but I am going to save them until Wordless Wednesday. (Hopefully I will have even more by then, since I am going to go back and give Brandon his present from me sometime in the next few days!)

In the meantime, let me show you this Advent Calendar that Hayden's dad, Jimmy, gave me!
It is the kind where you open a little door each day, and inside is a piece of chocolate. When you have eaten every single chocolate, you know the next day is Christmas! Since today is already the seventh of December, I had to catch up, so I've already eaten five of the chocolates. Actually though I really only ate four. The airplane one fell on the floor and rolled away and I can't find it.

Holiday Traditions Festival!

Hi everyone! Melissa from Banana Migraine is hosting a Holiday Traditions Festival, and I wanted to get in on it! The idea is, every week, you share a few of your favorite holiday traditions! So here are a few of mine, which take place at my parents' house!


When my brother and I were very little, my mom was a stay-at-home mom and our family didn't have any money. So my mom hand-sewed each of our stockings! Later, we found small stockings for all of the pets we loved over the years! (Two dogs, a cat, and a bird!)
On top of the mantel, you may notice an alarming number of nutcrackers. This began with my Nona giving my brother a nutcracker for Christmas one year. The next year I wanted one too, so either my mom or Nona gave them to each of us. For several years thereafter, we each got a nutcracker every Christmas! Now we don't get them anymore, but I think my mom still collects them from different places!


My mom's Nona brought this manger over from Italy. When her Nona died, my mom wanted to keep the manger, and so it has been part of our Christmas decorations for as long as I can remember. Although, originally, there were three wisemen... today only one survives. And the two little deer were not part of the original set... they made their way into the manger from some other box of decorations! And this is the first year there has been a giant bunny on the roof!

Next week come back, and I'll share more of my Christmas traditions with you!


The Library Is Fuuuuuun!

Hi, my name is Angel and I live at the library now. Yep, apparently the library is my new home.
You see, my stupid Internet at home has completely stopped working. Fizzled out. Gone.
Not a huge problem, for someone who lives in their own house or apartment or whatever. A person like this could just call someone to come fix it, or get Wifi installed, or something.
However, I have the misfortune of staying with my parents right now. And they are insane.
My mom knows how to fix the computer, but refuses to try. She has a very busy social life, you know, and besides, her work pays for her to have her own laptop, complete with a Sprint card that gives her Internet access wherever she is. She told my dad, if he wants the computer fixed, he should call someone to come fix it.
My dad refuses to call someone to fix it because he does't want to pay the money. He only uses the computer for Ebay, so for him, spending thirty minutes a day at the library using the public computers is sufficient.
As for me... someone who depends on the Internet for communication with friends, school work, studying, blogging, making money, looking up anything I become curious about at any moment of time, finding out when my clubs meet, etc... I am S.O.L., man!
SO this morning, when my dad said he was going to the library, I jumped at the chance to go with. Apparently it was too early for me to think clearly, because I completely forgot that, dude, I own a car. I can drive to the library myself!
I soon learned that my dad's plan was to spend half an hour at the library, and then leave for his court date in Addison. Yes, my dad has court dates in Addison. And he thinks it takes him an hour and a half to get to Addison. It may take him that long when he's driving his sixteen-wheel semi, but it takes regular people about twenty minutes to get to Addison!
So. It is now 12:52 pm, I have been in the library since 10, and my dad's court time doesn't even start until 1:00! And I am getting really hungry! (I've been very, very hungry lately... in fact I woke up at 5 am this morning from hunger pains!)
Tomorrow, I'll come equipped with snacks.


Picture Meme

One thing I like about my personal blog here is I can do fun things, like memes, without feeling guilty. Here is a Picture Meme I stole from Gabi's World! What you do is, read the following questions, then go to Google Images and enter your answers. Pick an image from the first page of results. Like this:

1. Age of next birthday

2. Place I'd like to travel to:

3. Favorite place:

4. Favorite Object:

5. Favorite Food:

6. Favorite Color:


7. Place of birth:

8. Nickname:

Now you try it!


What? Me, organized?

One strange thing I've noticed is, although I am the least organized person in my family (any personal space belonging to me resembles the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina) I am the most organized person at my work!
My job requires tons of different paperwork and filing. Although my co-workers and I have created several systems to keep ourselves organized and accountable, I seem to be the only one to stick to the systems... and I even create more systems, just for myself! The systems are my lifeline!
I diligently go through each person's attendance file and mark their attendance status after every single activity. (Were they Active, or Passive? Did they Refuse to come? Were they Independently doing something else? Were they Sleeping? All of this info must be recorded for each person on the unit, after every single game of BINGO, session of Aromatherapy, or whatever!) I carefully update my perrsonal calendar when new admissions come in, keeping track of which people I'm "in charge" of as far as goals go. I can get through more assessments, more quickly than anyone else.. in fact, although I only work part time, I single-handedly did every new person assessment for the month of November! I even made a special system for myself to keep track of people's goals, so that when it comes time to update the goals, I know all about the people I am personally responsible for!
And I even remember to feed the facility cat, Tuskin, and change his litter!
Why, then, can't I manage to clean my room, do my homework, show up at school, etc?
Somehow, the schedules, routines and systems at work provide the structure I desperately need to survive. If only I had someone in my "real" life to set up that sort of structure for me, to make me accountable for my homework and my housework and everything else...
And maybe they could pay me, while they're at it? That might help, too.


Adding Spurts Of Fun To Life!

You know why I haven't posted in te past few days? Because my stupid Internet connection has been acting up! It disconnects me every five seconds. Supposedly, its because just about everyone else in the worldis also on the Internet right now, trying to do holiday shopping!
It seems to be working right now, though, so... let us pray that I can get through this post!

I've decided recently that maybe in order to try to overcome my various problems with being overworked, overschooled, overtired, overdepressed and overanxious, I should just add some fun to my life. Just little, hour-long spurts of getting out of the house... Just ducking out long enough to do something, and then running back to the relative safety of my house, school or work.
So I joined two clubs. I joined the Jaycees, and I joined a group appropriately titled Get Out Of The House.
So, on Friday, I went to school in the morning, then went to work until 7:30, then went and painted pottery with the Get Out Of The House group. (That's me painting pottery, in that picture. Someone in the group took the picture. I look so grumpy, don't I?) Then I went home and went to bed. Then, on Saturday morning, I got up super-early and went to the Wal-Mart in Streamwood, where I helped take children from low-income families shopping for Christmas presents for their families, as part of the Jaycees. After that I went home, worked on some homework and other mediocre crap, and helped my mom decorate the Christmas tree.
And today... well, today, I worked all day.
And you know what? I feel kinda good!
This coming week I am going to try to go see Diana and the kids... hopefully on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday, whenever she lets me know what day would be best. See? Just that little spurt of getting out of the house has helped me make plans to get out of the house for an even longer spurt of time!(I think part of the thing that helped was that, in these two clubs, you have to sign up and RSVP for events, giving me the security of knowing I can't back out!)
School tomorrow, then work... But I can handle it, right? Right.