2007-11-22

Happy Thanksgiving?


Hi everyone! Its Thanksgiving and I wish it wasn't. My mom is hosting the holiday at our house. I love seeing my relatives... but I sort of wish I could see them, like, one at a time. Or in groups of three, or something. Having a house bustling with people talking loudly, little kids running around, conversations bouncing across each other... It is often way too much for me! And I can't even escape to my room for a little peace and quiet when I want to... my mom would be pissed if I did that. Usually I just hang out with my little cousins, who are 5 and 3...
Thats another thing that bothers me about family gatherings. I am 28 and still live with my parents. The thing is I did live on my own before... In fact, I moved out of the house at age 18 and was on my own for the next 5 years. But then I decided to go back to school full time. (Up until then I had been working full time and going to 1-2 night classes per semester.) I couldn't afford to pay rent on a part time salary. (Where I live, a one bedroom apartment is at least $800 a month!) I was just going to stay with my parents while attending school... but I never imagined it would take this long! First of all I messed up in community college by taking all sorts of classes I didn't really need, because I somehow thought I needed them. Second of all, in fall of 2006 I was supposed to go away to SIUC, but when I got there I immediately became very homesick and depressed, so I decided to come back to Chicago, and lost a semester in the process. Then when I started at NEIU, it turned out that I couldn't even take any of the classes I needed (I was hoping to major in special education) until I took a full year of other pointless classes at that school.
So now, I am just beginning to start NEIU's 2.5 year special ed teaching program.
I am 28, still live with my parents, have been in school forever and ever.
I got in a big argument with my dad last night because I was saying I would like to get an apartment next semester, so I could at least be closer to school, and live on my own like a regular adult. It would be nice for me to at least be able to keep my nephew and niece and my little girls overnight once in a while, which I can't do here because my mom won't let me. It would be nice to be able to get a dog, which I can't do now because my mom won't let me. It would be nice for me to be able to have friends over to the house, which I can't do now because my mom won't let me. I just want to be able to make my own choices... but my parents argue that I can't afford it and should continue to live here for the next 2.5 years!
So... on holidays it is embarassing to me because I show up at the holiday gatherings underneath my mom's thumb! I'm really at the same social level in the family as my tiny cousins!
Its even worse when my younger brother comes in from out of town. He has a house in California, a girlfriend, his own dog, etc, etc, etc. And he can sit and talk maturely with the adults in the house so maturely, while I am in the basement playing dolls with my little cousins cause I can't deal with the noise upstairs!
It is just embarassing to me to be in this predicament, in front of everyone, like I'm the skeleton-in-the-closet relative who never quite got her life together!
Oh well... Happy Thanksgiving anyway!
I have to work tonight, too... Ugh.

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